Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old?… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Rob McElhenney who runs 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.' That show absolutely kills me and I am stunned by the consistency of… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
