Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call "understanding" is basically just fantasizing. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Performance is really an important part of how I edit. I sometimes take something out because I realize I put in a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you go to that other country you realize that in France and in England, you don't ask somebody what they do… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downswing that is… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It can take years. With the first draft, I just write everything. With the second draft, it becomes so depressing for me,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
People discuss their relationships all the time, but you can't. I don't think people realize how harmful that is, how it twists… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
