If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a little.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are selves too big for one person to contain. You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Our earliest evidence of government, in the ruins of Babylon and Egypt, shows nothing but ziggurats and pyramids of wasted taxpayer money,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Liberals have invented whole college majors - psychology, sociology and women's studies - to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The great majority of Baghdad is a slum - a lot of it's new, but it's still slum. It's usually this concrete-block,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
