You totally need to watch the news." "Can't." "Why?" "It's too depressing." "Right, because hanging with dead people isn't. — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. “We hooking up?” “Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?”… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?” “He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you’re interested — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
That boy needs a hobby." "Stalking is a hobby." "So is serial killing. — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence.… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
...But he was a good landlord. When my heater stopped working in mid-December, it took him only two weeks to get it… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
after an epic search, I finally found something neither green nor fuzzy. It was a hot sausage link. I named it Peter,… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought. — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding." I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand. — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“Oh, my god, I don't know. What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“If ever there was a time to carry a flashlight, it would definitely be at night.” — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
In three hundred feet, turn right," Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“The asshole slipped Peggy a five-spot to bring him his burger first. Never trust a man with a penis.” — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“I reported to work the next morning looking like something the cat dragged in, half eaten yet somehow still alive.” — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
