“I didn’t have enough money to tip the waitress, so I offered to take her out on a date, provided she paid… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money’s a tool, like a wrench, and until I make more I need to tighten my belt.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a glove, I’d wear it on my foot like a goldfish in a silver mine. Ten dimes is too… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Even though I know my own name (barely), I still sometimes write my name wrong. Usually it only happens when I write… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t sell sex for money, but what if I change sex’s name to food? Then can I sell it freely in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of my hobbies is reading finance and economic books—at the strip club, where I “invest” my money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could save money if I ate my coworker’s pussy for lunch, rather than going to a restaurant.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is a chameleon. It can transform itself into any representation. Sometimes money looks like a pile of cheeseburgers, and other times… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The ability to gauge intelligence is itself a form of intelligence. Monkeys don’t ponder how smart monkeys are. Ditto for politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a superhero! I wear Spandex and I save things. I don’t save people, I save money. My weapon is a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to locate the precise coordinates of the Masons. Just follow the bricks—and follow the money. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One day I want to be so wealthy I can say to my wife, “let’s take a drive—to the end of our… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a way for both of us to make money, I’ll hold you hostage, while at the same time, you’ll be holding… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had some emotional issues, so I went to a therapist. And guess what I don’t have now? That’s right, I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The Whisper Factory is now hiring! Report your grandma for suspicious behavior and get PAID!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be a standup economist, because isn’t money funny? Actually, without gold backing our currency, it’s all funny money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had all the money in the world, I’d love seeing my name on billboards, buildings, and battleships. The only thing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Employment: I’ll trade my time and labor for your money. So time is not money, because money is time plus labor. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
