What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
By the eighties, a lot of radio stations had started playing "Sixties" music. They called it "Classic Rock," because they knew we'd… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
