A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished? — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I was really bummed when I got to the last one of Tony Hillerman Navajo detective books. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that: •The universe is even bigger than… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Directors are always changing things at the last minute. Actors will do a scene, and the director will say, ‘Okay, that was… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
