You didn't question - kind of like, you would go to college. You would wear a tie to work. You would, you… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There was [ in New York] - some of it was this perception of the Midwest that I realized in this multicultural… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser . — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach...but I don't want to read. How about… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, "I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I definitely write about things that are universal, that everyone can identify with. You're supposed to write about things you're passionate about… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think what Pope Francis is saying is that nobody's perfect, you know? And so someone like Joe Biden, you know, where… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
![“There was [ in New York] - some of it…” quote by Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/c4d/jim-gaffigan-580_black_there-was-in-new-york-some-of-it-was-thi_2053648.jpg)
