Jokes Quotes · Page 63

Ever you miss me, never you cry. For a drop of tear in your eyes, is a day less in my life.

— Anonymous

I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it.

— Bill Keller

If you push your brother down the stairs, he will become your step brother.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I don't like to argue with females, I'm simply explaining why I'm right…

— Kevin McCarty

The biggest risk for this generation is to have a haircut from a new salon..!!

— Anonymous

We all have been in love and all fell out of love... I rather fall in shit then fall in love again...

— Kevin McCarty

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

— Chelsea Handler

You're basically on set to help the production. You're helping the actors make it make sense, or maybe you wrote something that…

— Katie Dippold

Etgar means "challenge." And my family name is Keret, which means "urban." So my name is "urban challenge." My joke is, it's…

— Etgar Keret

I don't like people doing jokes about disabled people for no good reason, but I can still understand why they do them.

— Richard Herring

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not…

— Dolly Parton

I've always wanted to entertain people, or make them smile, or tell a joke that would make them laugh. I don't think…

— Chris Demetral

Cigarettes are an instant signifier in culture. It punctuates a joke, or puts that extra zing on a punch line. I like…

— Martha Plimpton

I don't have to write jokes. I don't have to write insults. If you ask the man of the hour in the…

— Rachael Ray

I think sketch writing is a good spot for everyone to start because it requires you to develop characters, have a beginning,…

— Blake Anderson

You have more and more people coming into the tent with the creative guys [on Hollywood films]. You have marketing and concept…

— James L. Brooks

People still want to escape, but today's escape is different. People now want to know that there are people out there who…

— Darius McCrary

When people have no interest in a subject, it's very hard to get them to laugh about it. If I had to…

— George Meyer

He looked gravely at the king. "It isn't an easy thing to give your loyalty to someone you don't know, especially when…

— Megan Whalen Turner

I was very shy as a kid but when I found out I could perform and have people's attention everything changed for…

— Justin Timberlake

Mr. Crossley suddenly wondered why he was why he was worrying about the note. It was only a joke, after all. He…

— Diana Wynne Jones

When you do see me, you'll get the idea from when you see me that it's all off the top of my…

— Don Rickles

I like the idea of building the suspense and taking it all the way up to the very last second with the…

— Corey Feldman

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

— Carol Burnett

People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.

— Daniel Tosh

Humor is when the joke's on you but hits the other fellow first -- before it boomerangs.

— Langston Hughes

A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been.

— Ricky Gervais

Marriage is a workshop, where the husband works and the wife shops.

— Anonymous

A professional writer is a joke. You write because you can't do anything else, and then you have another job.

— Jamaica Kincaid

People usually say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I find it's in big boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

I loved the idea that I could write a joke and someone else would have to take the risk of performing it.

— Judd Apatow

An Englishman does not joke about such an important matter as a bet.

— Jules Verne

On the set I make jokes I can't get too involved, or it turns into sentimental soup. I try to keep it…

— Michael Haneke

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

— Nikhil Saluja

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

— Fred Allen

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

— John Oliver

“He'd never been one for jokes, but of course he'd pick now to get a sense of humor.”

— Kiersten White

This Lent, I'm giving up making jokes about what I'm giving up.

— Anonymous

They played a Chris Brown marathon on the radio station today. It was hit after hit.

— Anonymous