I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they… — George Burns Copy Share Image
If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage… — Marian Wright Edelman Copy Share Image
I love my babies so much that I could kiss them all day long..as a job. I could be a professional baby… — Jessica Capshaw Copy Share Image
I don't think any of us felt like, "Oh, we need to put joke songs on the record." If we found something… — Mark Hoppus Copy Share Image
Holy wow! it looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork. — Curly Copy Share Image
When I watch a comedy that's just hitting you over the head with jokes constantly, some really hit, but if they miss,… — David Walton Copy Share Image
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Sometimes you just have to sit down and ask your parents if they sold your soul. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“In a theater, it happened that a fire started offstage. The clown came out to tell the audience. They thought it was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you put your finger in your ear, and scratch it, it sounds just like pac man :) — Ricardo Alexandre Copy Share Image
There's a lot of hypocrisy in audiences. I'd never dream of telling even on a nightclub stage, let alone my show, some… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
There is laughter, shrill calls. Everyone is flirting, saying in nudges and jokes and blushing what they would do in private — Jesmyn Ward Copy Share Image
People would say, "Oh, you say you just do jokes." I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
As the years went on, the audience has become very jaded. They've heard every joke, they've seen every story line, they know… — Betty White Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've been invited to a Halloween party tonight in America. To scare all the Yanks, I'm going as low-fat food! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think when people watch a lot of artists, they're expecting this showiness, and I'm cracking jokes with people. I'm heckling back.… — Caitlin Rose Copy Share Image
If you follow me & expect a follow back, please do let me know! So I can block you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it? — John Cleese Copy Share Image
Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other… — Sylvia Plath Copy Share Image
What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes. — Buster Keaton Copy Share Image
