I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a… — Ron White Copy Share Image
Nothing reveals a man's character better than the kind of joke at which he takes offense. — Georg C. Lichtenberg Copy Share Image
My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Even if the painting is green, well then! The 'subject' is the green. There is always a subject; it's a joke to… — Pablo Picasso Copy Share Image
I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Now and again there will be the occasional joke about owing someone two dollars from the days in '63 when I was… — Robert Plant Copy Share Image
I came across an old story of mine that I'd written a decade ago. The main joke of the story is that… — Alexander Weinstein Copy Share Image
You are so lame. You always disappoint me. It's kind of like our running joke but it's really not funny and I… — Ani DiFranco Copy Share Image
A lot of people are actually surprised when I do open up my mouth and smile a little bit, and crack a… — Tim Kang Copy Share Image
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's not high on… — Hank Azaria Copy Share Image
Paul was dying of an un-known illness. His wife sat at the bedside comforting him. He looked up and said weakly, I… — Unknow Copy Share Image
I got expelled from school on pajama day....But its not my fault I sleep naked. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How do you know you told a good punch line, a good joke? It's because they laugh. How do you know you've… — Katie Holmes Copy Share Image
I have been sober for the longest time. Oh, it's over a decade now. No joke. — Dana Plato Copy Share Image
People might be making too much of me maturing and growing; I’m still the same person. I still like to joke around… — Patrick Kane Copy Share Image
I secrete jokes like the pancreas secretes... whatever the pancreas secretes. — Marshall Brickman Copy Share Image
If you play Mark Twain and he's not funny, you are definitely not playing Mark Twain. That was the biggest challenge, in… — Val Kilmer Copy Share Image
Life must go on, even if it's no joke...just pretend to believe in the future. — Louis-Ferdinand Celine Copy Share Image
I presume that each country will have a different response to each joke. But mostly what I've seen is that everyone has… — John Michael McDonagh Copy Share Image
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.'… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
I scream, you scream, both of us scream because we are being murdered while eating ice cream. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
