To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed.… — Charles Bukowski Copy Share Image
“Sooner or later, all talk among foreigners in Pyongyang turns to one imponderable subject. Do the locals really believe what they are… — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
Although I knew enough Freud to believe that the sex urge was an important mainspring of life, it still seemed to me… — Paul Bowles Copy Share Image
My work is a matter of fundamental sounds (no joke intended) made as fully as possible, and I accept responsibility for nothing… — Samuel Beckett Copy Share Image
The real joke that history played on American women is not the one that makes people snigger, with cheap Freudian sophistication, at… — Betty Friedan Copy Share Image
These endless legal challenges that define elections in New York are a joke in this country, and they are the reason why… — Michael Bloomberg Copy Share Image
Percy, meet Gladiola. Gladiola, Percy." I stared at Annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me,… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Couldn't we end this interview with what I really want to say? That what the world really needs is a real feeling… — Marilyn Monroe Copy Share Image
When I would work freelance in production in Chicago, there were a lot of times when I was working for cheap, bad… — Andy Richter Copy Share Image
Woody Allen - nobody has been a better joke teller than him - and even in his great films, it's always coming… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
Life compulsively dangled the possibility of life. Life, the dramatist on speed. Life, that couldn't stop with its foreshadows and ironies and… — Glen Duncan Copy Share Image
I met the guy who started off the whole Babuji jokes. I removed my chappal the moment I saw him. But that… — Alok Nath Copy Share Image
Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were… — Dom Irrera Copy Share Image
I never do a whole new set of new material. I do one new joke at a time, and I wedge it… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
Chennai is one of the scariest crowds to face. Everyone looks so conservative, but once you crack the first joke, they are… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
Comedy is similar to hockey... in only one way. You get a lot of credit for assists. So I try to serve… — Johnny Galecki Copy Share Image
The reason everybody is so amazed and enamored with me right now is because I have worked every angle, I have worked… — Leslie Jones Copy Share Image
Some street jokes are just timeless. There's an old street joke about comedians. The joke is that a beautiful girl comes up… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining She said to her husband, Nobody loves me¦.nobody cares… — Babloo Copy Share Image
Many people think sports are totally physical, that you don't have to think, everything is done for you and you're catered to,… — Julius Erving Copy Share Image
Are they real fires? Or are people just reacting to something? Just because there’s an alarm going doesn’t mean it’s a fire.… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
The whole movie thing has never been a source of great pride for me, in that Burt Reynolds, who starred in the… — Brock Yates Copy Share Image
Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound… — Buddy Hackett Copy Share Image
When Harel wished to put a joke or witticism into circulation, he was in the habit of connecting it with some celebrated… — Louis Edouard Fournier Copy Share Image
There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's… — Calvin Trillin Copy Share Image
I think for a lot of people, bowling is sort of a joke. But I love it, and it means a lot… — Chris Hardwick Copy Share Image
I just do little jokes all the time and people think I'm serious. I know exactly who Gordon Ramsay is, I know… — Paris Hilton Copy Share Image
There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Growing up, I was watched by my parents and strongly critiqued. Instead of saying they loved me or showing physical attention, they… — Neil Strauss Copy Share Image
People have a comic bent or an angularity to their thinking, and those are the people who make jokes. And it's usually… — Carl Reiner Copy Share Image
Cooking allows you to have travels, adventures and journeys without going anywhere. The running joke between my partner and me is that… — Ted Allen Copy Share Image
“By the by,” Stephen said, “what is the difference between a viscount and a stallion?” Miss Marshall shook her head. “What is… — Courtney Milan Copy Share Image
I still have access to enough money to live on in order to avoid bankruptcy for at least a few years as… — Patrick Stump Copy Share Image
And I ask myself what it is about me that makes this wonderful, beautiful woman return. Is it because I'm pathetic, helpless… — Mohsin Hamid Copy Share Image
Four Married Men are at a BAR. MAN 1 : Imagine, my pregnant wife was reading a novel called ONE BROWN GAL,… — Muniir Zero Copy Share Image
In all honesty I think, sometimes with the LGBT community, if you look at anything else surrounding it, there's always been this… — Radical Face Copy Share Image
A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
A man was having an argument with his wife. In the heat of the argument, the wife called him a fool. The… — Horla Copy Share Image
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image