Jokes Quotes · Page 103

Don't worry, Mrs. Colder. For the most part, we keep him leashed and gagged. We only let him free when the cute…

— Lora Leigh

The fine line between roaring with laughter and crying because it's a disaster is a very, very fine line. You see a…

— Roald Dahl

There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to…

— John Mulaney

Seeing a spider isn't a problem. It becomes a problem when it disappears.

— Sharlene05

My dowry is thirty-five. A year.” His brows climbed. “You’re joking.” “I would never joke about money with a notorious thief. Just…

— Shana Abe

I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow.

— Eddie Griffin

I have this natural thing in my head that when I sit down to write something serious, I tend to make jokes.…

— Justin Simien

Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.

— Daniel Tosh

“It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

They mustn't know my despair, I can't let them see the wounds which they have caused, I couldn't bear their sympathy and…

— Anne Frank

When I watch TV I can tell when someone is punching the joke and telling me when to laugh (I’ll decide when…

— Nathan Fillion

Jokes are one of the things that bind the culture. If you can't have jokes about everybody in society and if one…

— Mark Steyn

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look, I'm changing!

— Tanya Bianco

I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a…

— Daniel Tosh

The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones…

— Jerry Seinfeld

I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted…

— Joan Rivers

They say that life is too short, I just wonder who took the measurements.

— Paballo Nhambiri

Whereupon a strange euphoria came over me. Not only was I exiled, paralyzed, mute, half deaf, deprived of all pleasures, and reduced…

— Jean-Dominique Bauby

We suppose that could be considered a hedged position for the awards committee, one that would never occur in the hard sciences…

— Seth Klarman

A play is made by sensing how the forces in life simulate ignorance-you set free the concealed irony, the deadly joke.

— Arthur Miller

The whole point of animation to me is to tell a story, make a joke, express an idea. The technique itself doesn't…

— Terry Gilliam

“We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all.

— David Mitchell

All I ever wanted to do was tell jokes for a living.

— Ali Wong

Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine…

— Jon Stewart