Life's full of difficult choices....Call her back?...or Call of Duty?......decisions, decisions. — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
I learned to think about religion, race and sex through the complex and often unattractive medium of jokes. — Andrew Hudgins Copy Share Image
I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but… — Mitt Romney Copy Share Image
I was in California the first time I heard Michael Jackson wanted to record with me. I was, like, 'Nah, no way,… — Heavy D Copy Share Image
Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Nate Silver says this is a 73.6 percent chance that the president is going to win. Nobody in that campaign thinks they… — Joe Scarborough Copy Share Image
Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry… — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someones mouth while they are talking? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny. — Philippe Falardeau Copy Share Image
Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or… — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
I think only things that are personal to us offend us. It's always bizarre when people who would normally laugh at an… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
Over ten thousand people have signed a petition to recall Governor Schwarzenegger. I'm sorry, that is next year's joke. — Craig Kilborn Copy Share Image
I guess the subject of race is so natural to me I never think of it as hefty. It's something I talk… — Danzy Senna Copy Share Image
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to love being the class clown. I loved to make jokes and make people laugh. There was a set of… — Issa Rae Copy Share Image
It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I don't think there would be many jokes, if there weren't constant frustration and fear and so forth. It's a response to… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
My role is almost a sight-gag. I have to be a woman to sing the lyrics "I am a man" to have… — Max von Essen Copy Share Image
Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will increase the number of people laughing by at least… — Joe Harsel Copy Share Image
