Jokes Quotes · Page 104

I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of…

— Anthony Jeselnik

“Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't…

— Norm MacDonald

Other than his ex-wife and despite appearances with a series of cultivated blondes, Edward de Bono has never publicly aligned himself with…

— Antonella Gambotto-Burke

Sometimes you look out the window and you look at all the windows, and think inside very single one of them is…

— Meryl Streep

There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which…

— Alex Turner

Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.

— Anonymous

Everybody is different. Some comedy is more musical like Steven Wright. His is a pillar of comedy to me. He invented a…

— Louis C. K

We joke around a lot with our ballclub.

— Bill Laimbeer

We're not going to have a wall [on Southern border] like now which is either non-existent or a joke.

— Donald Trump

If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.

— Olivia Munn

Mainstream people dislike homosexuality because they can't help concentrating on what homosexual men do to one another. And when you contemplate what…

— Quentin Crisp

“Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Women are often pushed into the idea that they write softer, more character-driven jokes.

— Allison Silverman

5 things men know about women 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.nothing

— Kevin McCarty

I don't like any one race or look or type of guy. My tastes as far as looks go are very diverse.…

— Sasha Grey

It's pretty easy to hear what people are physically responding to versus what's just flat as a pancake in the room when…

— Elizabeth Banks

My friend Myron tells me, 'Last year on Mother's Day the whole family got together for a big dinner and afterward, when…

— Joey Adams

Sex that goes on for ever - Saga

— Nikhil Saluja

ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

— Ambrose Bierce

I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you…

— Nick Kroll

People still want to escape, but today's escape is different. People now want to know that there are people out there who…

— Darius McCrary

Driving somebedy's car is a joke because you listen to their favourite music

— Musa Nkutha

I said I kicked a French chicken in the stomach once." "Huh?" "It said, 'Oeuf.'" "What is that?" "It's a joke. Do…

— Jonathan Safran Foer

We're all just a bundle of habits shaped by our memories. And to the extent that we control our lives, we do…

— Joshua Foer