“You think everyone pervs you."... "That's cos they do, and you're just jealous, cos I'm gorgeous and you're not." ~ conversation between… — Marita A. Hansen Copy Share Image
There are artists with palettes and easels selling the kind of modern art that Soviet art critics used to critique with bulldozers.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players… — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
“If this was mental illness, or even just a particularly clinical case of adolescence, I was bearing up pretty well.” — Barbara Ehrenreich Copy Share Image
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix… — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care:… — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“That’s crazy,” Gabriel said. “We must be seventy million years in the past.” “Nearly a hundred and twenty-five million,” Ohin said. “It… — G.L. Breedon Copy Share Image
If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If a President of the United States ever lied to the American people he should resign. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
I said in my earlier book, and find no reason for retracting my statement, that the famous Jewish sense of humour got… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Mummy can we keep him?" Madeleine asked with the wide eyes of a burgeoning crush. "Darling, little boys make terrible pets," Mrs.… — Gitty Daneshvari Copy Share Image
“Listen, I'd rather lie naked in a plowed field under an incontinent horse for a week than have to read that paragraph… — Diane Ackerman Copy Share Image
“A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.” — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“While like most men, Sam prided himself on being equipped with a supernatural internal compass that kept him from ever being lost,… — clive cussler Copy Share Image
I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum. — Hillary Clinton Copy Share Image
