“Sorry. Sometimes my mouth engages before making contact with my brain.” — Jayson James Copy Share Image
Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Tell me about yourself.' A strange thing for a husband to ask a wife.” — Janet Mullany Copy Share Image
Humorists are not humorous twenty-four hours a day. In fact, when you get to know them well, they are often not humorous… — Margaret Halsey Copy Share Image
“His eyes, green with yellow sparks, and with elongated pupils like a cat’s, made his grandmother gasp and say: ‘Jesus! He has… — Olga Núñez Miret Copy Share Image
I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
“Asher taps his fingers on his lips and I catch Amy licking her own as she eyes his mouth. "What exactly are… — Jessica Sorensen Copy Share Image
“You'll let me put a total stranger's piss hose in my mouth while my knees scream in agony on the hard floor?… — Larissa Ione Copy Share Image
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
“If we take the president of GM, they'll make us pay to give him back." (said by a kidnapper)” — Owen Laukkanen Copy Share Image
“He’s an even-tempered stallion. What he lacks in stamina he makes up for in speed, kind of like most of the men… — Lila Shaw Copy Share Image
There's a limit to how many times you can read how great you are and what an inspiration you are, but I'm… — Randy Pausch Copy Share Image
“Is this spirited man the cook?" she shouted. "Are you responsible for this delightful feast? What a piece of luck! … What… — Eli Brown Copy Share Image
The pesimist says: it cannot get any worse. The optimist joyfully exclaims: yes, it can! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Life is too transcendentally humorous for a man not to take it seriously. Compared with it, Death is but a shallow jest. — William John Locke Copy Share Image
“One year I went as a pirate, but from then on I went as a hobo. It's a word you don't hear… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
If you are watching my films and wondering, am I missing humorous speak because I'm not Korean? Am I missing out? You… — Park Chan-wook Copy Share Image
"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“What is even happening here?" Will said, looking to each of us and the back to wherever the cougars had wandered off… — Christina Lauren Copy Share Image
Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
"Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head.… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.' — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
