Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride"... — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Many a parent, sad to say, has used their child as an opportunity for them, the parent, to do, through their child,… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I wanted to find my voice, so I sat in silence. I wanted joy, so I cried my heart open. I wanted… — Catherine Scott Copy Share Image
I love the protest signs protected by the First Amendment - some of them humorous, some of them passionate, some factual, some… — Jennifer Granholm Copy Share Image
“Sometimes we know people who are too wonderful for words. I am not one of them. Or you, for that matter, as… — Michael Hogan Copy Share Image
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. — Steven Rubenstein Copy Share Image
Reconnecting to the animal means getting to a more sensitive, more artful and more humorous place in the psyche. — James Hillman Copy Share Image
For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Trojan is a terrible name for a brand of condom. Why name it after something that, after penetrating the wall, broke open… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're a transsexual fighting with a hermaphrodite over a mistress. — Jerry Springer Copy Share Image
How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones? — Samuel Beckett Copy Share Image
There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous… — Mose Allison Copy Share Image
Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Worse day ever!" I whined to Ellie. "Oh, worse than the time you got pulled over and the cop said 'papers' and… — Sophie Monroe Copy Share Image
