I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I hate to speak for the whole society, but I will. I'm a journalist, it's my job. There's been something of a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've come to realize that you're going to get criticized no matter what. Somebody will always hate what you write, especially if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm a humorist. A guy like Paul Simon just makes my life so much simpler. When I was there, he had a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
