Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In the past a man was expected to give his seat on a bus to a woman. Today it would be much… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is a law of governance that democracies have to spend themselves dizzy. Citizens of democracies can, after all, tell their government… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The poor of the world cannot be made rich by the redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Constitution is an equally forthright piece of work and quite succinct ... giving the complete operating instructions for a nation of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The preamble to the Constitution states: "We, the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
.......the poor of the world cannot be made rich by redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
