The secret of our marriage is chemistry. She's on Valium and I'm on Prozac — Green Monk Copy Share Image
In science, read, by preference, the newest works; in literature the oldest. — Edward Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton Copy Share Image
Her legs gotta be a rumor cause she be spreading them everywhere — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
Are we done with law school yet? Seriously, we've been sitting here for years. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You know you're a redneck when you go to a parade and they throw out corn on the cob and hand out… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I feel that I owe a lot to SpongeBob and all Bikini Bottom for helping me figure out what I thought was… — David Dobrik Copy Share Image
Change is a measure of time and, in the autumn, time seems speeded up. What was is not and never again will… — Edwin Way Teale Copy Share Image
Welcome the One that has kissed you from within. It is from inside everything comes. — Mooji Copy Share Image
I did not intend to write a funny book, at first. I did not know I was a humorist. I have never… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
My eyes are different sizes, my nose is too broad at the bridge and squishes up when I laugh, and my lips… — Terry Farrell Copy Share Image
After more than half a century (Sleeping Beauty), Disney finally know what the meaning of true love (Maleficent). — Alvin Copy Share Image
*Every Morning* Me: I'm sorry but I really can't stay. Bed: But baby it's so cold outside... — Lamartimothy Copy Share Image
I dread no more the first white in my hair, Or even age itself, the easy shoe, The cane, the wrinkled hands,… — Edna St Vincent Millay Copy Share Image
“The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab… — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
If you listen to your own voice, unknown friends will come and seek you. — Megan McDonald Copy Share Image
