You would be amazed how much I'm wrong when people say guess what. — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Does anyone actually know what to do when people are singing happy birthday to you? — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Don't you just hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes? — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
What's the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV. It's not like you had me fooled. What's behind it...an umbrella?… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
If you like someone, tell them. Or stalk them on every single social network and cry yourself to sleep every night. It's… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says,… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. Dude, he told a friend, I've tried everything and those damn… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Just remember, I can always make your death look like an accident. :) — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Just Kidding: Saying what you really want and getting away with it. — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Every time I come in the kitchen u in the kitchen, in the damn refrigerator eating up all of the food. — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
If I were famous, I would go around knocking on peoples doors saying Hello, yes it's me. — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
OMFG LMAO hahaha I said that to someone and they walked away like WTF and I just laughed so hard I cried! — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Everyone has that ex that they don't want the world to know they ever dated. — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Me: *laughs* Parents: What's so funny? What's going on? Who are you talking to? Can I see what the joke is? Are… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Im sexy lolz not I am gonna keep thinking that though for confidence lolz — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
I never actually say hi to my friends, I just make creepy faces at them from a distance. — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
If you like someone, tell them. Or stalk them on every single social network and cry yourself to sleep every night. It's up to… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
A blonde comes home and finds her mom dead on the floor. But she goes to work, and starts crying and her boss asks,… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
School is just an endless cycle of 'I need to make it through school this week' every week. — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
