A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I feel like I have more experience with publishing humor than pretty much any editor I'm going to be dealing with so… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Winter's here, and you feel lousy: You're coughing and sneezing; your muscles ache; your nose is an active mucus volcano. These symptoms… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, "Dave, all you do… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
