If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I think Michael O'Donoghue felt he'd said what he wanted to say. In fact, nobody thought we could spin it out long… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If ever there were a place where people not only tend not to face economic facts, but it's almost their purpose not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like the fact that they still run substantive pieces. I'm not sure I like the pieces, but it's nice that they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
