Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I buy a tractor two years ago, and four-fifths of the tractor manual is about not tipping over, not raising the bucket… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is important to remember when reading Adam Smith or even when just thinking about Smith that the era that he lived… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. ... Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Especially with a magazine like Lampoon, which was very dependent on newsstand sales. Our readers didn't usually occupy the same address long… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I've only been to New Zealand once, about 1989. It was incredibly beautiful, kind of like the ideal of where I live… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I think Michael O'Donoghue felt he'd said what he wanted to say. In fact, nobody thought we could spin it out long… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It's a dry country with ample amounts of water running… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A good bachelor drinks his dessert (and sometimes the rest of his meals). A sweet tooth is a danger signal that you're… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There was also a hunger strike in front of the National Press Club, which seemed an odd place to have a hunger… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
As a libertarian I believe we should have a federal government simple and circumscribed enough to be run by an average, dull,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. You've probably never… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
