If we're free to do what we want, why does government always have a plan for us? — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Smoking cigarettes seems to alarm peace activists much more than voting for Reagan does. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Who does Bill Clinton think got off the boat and stepped on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Your money does not cause my poverty. Refusal to believe this is at the bottom of most bad economic thinking. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Then basically what was happening was that it was the middle '80s, and Rolling Stone realized that a lot of their readers… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I have, of all the inglorious things, a malignant hemorrhoid. What color bracelet does one wear for that? And where does one… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The three branches of government number considerably more than three and are not, in any sense, 'branches' since that would imply that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
[T]he Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When government does, occasionally, work, it works in an elitist fashion. That is, government is most easily manipulated by people who have… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When a private entity does not produce the desired results, it is (certain body parts excepted) done away with. But a public… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
People love to be told what they know already. It's not so much that what they say is wrong, though Ann Coulter… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
![“I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/3a0/p-j-o-rourke-184_business_i-was-managing-editor-for-a-while-in-nat_1676920.jpg)
![“Then basically what was happening was that it was the middle '80s, and Rolling Stone realized that a lot of their readers had voted for [Ronald] Reagan, and they were going, "Gosh! We need a Republican! Does anybody know a Republican? Wait a minute! I think P.J.'s a Republican!"” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/fe1/p-j-o-rourke-184_80s_then-basically-what-was-happening-was-th_1600927.jpg)
![“[T]he Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? Or maybe the people in Texas were…” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6d2/p-j-o-rourke-184_abuse_t-he-clinton-administration-launched-an_664366.jpg)
