Comedy Quotes by Dave Attell

10 Comedy quotes by Dave Attell

Dave Attell’s ten snippets capture his trademark blend of gritty realism and razor‑sharp timing, offering a compact taste of the humor that made his shows cult favorites.

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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.

Dave Attell

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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.

Dave Attell

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I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

Dave Attell

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Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

Dave Attell

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You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Dave Attell

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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.

Dave Attell

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I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it's what…

Dave Attell

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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I…

Dave Attell

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My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could…

Dave Attell

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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much…

Dave Attell

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More by Dave Attell

If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.

Dave Attell

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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a…

Dave Attell

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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.

Dave Attell

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You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Dave Attell

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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.

Dave Attell

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Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one…

Dave Attell

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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.

Dave Attell

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Why do they collect garbarge at 5am? Why? It's garbage. It's not going to go bad again.

Dave Attell

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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a…

Dave Attell

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This one guy, the worst guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician…

Dave Attell

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Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Pre-mature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.

Dave Attell

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It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on…

Dave Attell

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