Comedian Quotes · Page 19

If you make a bad movie about stand-up, then comedians will mock you for the rest of your life.

— Judd Apatow

Comedians have to write to survive because you don't get cast for your beauty.

— Sally Phillips

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled…

— Jon Stewart

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

— Bob Hope

At times, I pity my comedian image. People start laughing seeing me even in funeral processions.

— Johnny Lever

I went to the career adviser when I was 16, and tried to explain that I wanted to be a comedian or…

— Richard Herring

All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

— Andy Borowitz

What great comedians, great comic writers, great comic actors do is that they just read the headlines with the right eyebrow position…

— David Salle

I know that if any other comedian came up to me questioning something I did or said, it would be literally settled…

— Carlos Mencia

I am primarily a comedian. Sometimes I also do comedy about my cats. Now unless you find metaphors in cats, there is…

— Varun Grover

The most hardcore, edgiest comedian in the world has no desire to hurt people and make people have a bad evening. Everybody…

— Moshe Kasher

I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to…

— Ron White

When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can…

— Mitch Hedberg

One thing as a comedian, even though throughout your entire year, you're growing and working on your material... you can feel like…

— Matt Rife

Only comedians can talk about death, life, God and Virgin Mary. If I was a tragic actor, I couldn't allow myself. But…

— Roberto Benigni

If something's true you should be able discuss it or ask whether it's true. It helps me as a comedian. But it…

— Richard Herring

My life was typical. I played a little Little League baseball. I never wanted for food. I always had shoes. I had…

— Jon Stewart

I never wanted to churn it out. Comedians tend to work all the time. They never put it down like musicians who…

— Chris Rock

eah, you don't get a lot of meatheads doing improvised theater to begin with, and that's always been my thing. I talk…

— Jon Gabrus

When you see a comedian on stage, the best comedians make it feel like a conversation. But it's not. We have very…

— Hari Kondabolu

“My father could have been a great comedian but he didn't believe that that was possible for him, and so he made…

— Jim Carrey

I was actually pretty shy in school. My defense mechanism was to be the class clown. I remember getting into a lot…

— Adam Clayton

I think most comedians go through that (period), where you have to change or evolve. You don't want to just keep doing…

— Patton Oswalt

Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing…

— Greg Behrendt

I classify myself as a comedian, but I'm one of those comedians who also acts so that I can split the difference…

— Chris Gethard

I became a comedian because I didn't want to be bullied anymore. Onstage I was safe.

— Margaret Cho

I don't consider myself an Iranian comedian; I consider myself a comedian who happens to be of Iranian descent.

— Maz Jobrani

I don't claim to have all the answers; after all, I'm just a comedian who reads a lot.

— Adam Conover

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

— Louis C. K

Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they're socially callous.

— Dave Chappelle

I think you're a comedian as soon as you start. I don't think there's a moment where you become a full comic.

— Ari Shaffir

I could be a comedian. I could be a gangster. I could play all of those parts, even for the first time...…

— Lil Boosie

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice…

— Woody Allen

Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.

— Andy Borowitz

A stand-up comedian who's assaultive and decent and has managed a career that has spanned over five decades deserves a documentary.

— Elvis Mitchell

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.

— Artie Lange

I really don't mind being a comedian because I get the chance to make people laugh and I think that's truly a…

— Ali

I was scared of running off to be a comedian and then having to come back with my tail between my legs.

— Paddy McGuinness

The comedian sticks as religiously to her theme as a dancer sticks to a diet.

— Jo Brand

As a comedian, as an entertainer, there's a lot of downtime. Once you can accept that comedy is a marathon, not a…

— Iliza Shlesinger