“Girls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls not knowing about money… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“When God Created Mothers" When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I read one psychologist's theory that said, "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
