“She was dressed as a nearly invisible shower, wearing only a raincoat, and I sold her an umbrella that would shield her… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Drive, guy. That green light isn’t going to get a deeper green. It’ll only ripen and turn yellow.” — Jarod Kintz Green light Copy Share Image
I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot.… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“The president spends most of his time playing golf and vacationing. But the times he’s away from the office are the times… — Jarod Kintz Playing golf Copy Share Image
“I went to a nude beach. No naked people were around, but there was plenty of exposed flesh in the teeth of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me.” — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“There’s cat feces in my Batman costume, and all the lines in my screenplay were snorted by the neighborhood cokehead. Ah, but… — Jarod Kintz Movie Copy Share Image
“The US is at a point where just when the people imagine things can’t get any worse, they realize their imaginations weren’t… — Jarod Kintz Imagination Copy Share Image
“I once got 7th place in a swim meet. Being top 8 is an accomplishment, especially when you consider that including me,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love sensually, and without the aid of a fancy recipe. I just open the box, add water, stir a bit,… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“I have a secret handshake, like the Masons. Except mine is like a true secret in that nobody else knows about it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick represents my rationality, and a blanket represents my emotions. It’s robot versus mannequin, and to get a sense of who… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am quite possibly the world's bravest coward. I have never backed down from backing down from a fight.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could, I’d eat love for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And for in-between snacks, I’d eat passion fruit.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“Most people go to networking events to gain visibility. But in a crowded room, I’m trying to figure out how to become… — Jarod Kintz Networking Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m not eating, sleeping, working, or doing a hundred other things, I’m making love. I need to arrange my priorities. Sleeping… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’ve got a sizeable retirement nest egg. It’s an ostrich egg, and it’s going to make an omelet so big that it’ll… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“Bricks could have been used to stop Napoleon’s army from advancing into Russia. And blankets could have been used to keep Napoleon… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The essence of courage is timing. Take me, for example. I’ll show up to fight anybody, anywhere. I’ll just show up a… — Jarod Kintz Courage Copy Share Image
“A brick could be exchanged for a bar of gold. But be sure you wait until the owner of the gold isn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After being videotaped, I found that I talk a lot with my hands. Especially if my hands are covered with socks. I… — Jarod Kintz Nervous Copy Share Image
“I heard you calling out to me, but I almost didn’t reply because you were using another guy’s name.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of the most productive ways a government can spend money on the people is by building more prisons. That’s what makes… — Jarod Kintz Freedom Copy Share Image
“He said he didn’t think he is good, but you can tell that secretly he thinks he’s good. And he’s right—he’s not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t sell sex for money, but what if I change sex’s name to food? Then can I sell it freely in… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to measure water levels through what scientists call hydrostatics. If you throw a brick into the ocean,… — Jarod Kintz Science Copy Share Image
“I would like an extra tight vagina, in a to-go box please. Can I get it with extra gravy on top?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When a guy at the urinal says to me, "If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it," I like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Would it make you more comfortable if I wore a condom while I shook your hand? I could wear it on my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To show the football coach I was ready to play tight end, I wore no pants and had a Q-tip dangling out… — Jarod Kintz Football coach Copy Share Image
“The cause isn’t worth getting up for, but it is worth sleeping for. Just trying to do my part to help humanity.” — Jarod Kintz Humanity Copy Share Image
“I have a cigarette for a penis. Except when I get sexually aroused it turns into a cigar. Would you care to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the user has to be to make it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m different than other men in that I’m indifferent to the ins and outs of concave and convex relationships. I feel that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My photograph represents me as a person, but not as a personality. My personality is best represented by a Rorschach test.” — Jarod Kintz Photography Copy Share Image
“I'm proud to be a Mick, even though I'm not Irish My middle name is Mickey, though. Actually, I’m lying.” — Jarod Kintz Irish Copy Share Image
“At five in the morning, I was half asleep. The whole left side of my body was taking a nap. Seems I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
