Witty Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 20

One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to look for cameras in the mall to steal things, now I look to see if I can scratch my…

— Nikhil Saluja

Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms?

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A person who sits up with you when you are sick, and puts up with you when you are not;

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

The next person who says, Its not the heat, its the humidity will learn that its not my fist, but the impact.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hardly did I know when I met you That we are going to meet often

— Nikhil Saluja

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, What we have in common with the residents of all third-world countries;

— Nikhil Saluja

Women are like plug sockets. You have to stick something into all three holes before they work.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you hate someone and you want to screw their life, introduce them to Twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed;

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls wear white cotton panties Bad girls don't wear any Naughty girls don't really give a shit

— Nikhil Saluja

13 year olds having sex and getting drunk? When I was 13 I was injecting heroin and had committed my 4th murder, Pussies.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh you're the type of girl that uses your personality as birth control.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hope you're not allergic to nuts. Cause I'm gonna kick yours up into your throat.

— Nikhil Saluja

They say treat people the way you like to be treated. I say retweet people the way they retweet you!.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Something which is called a feast -- unfortunately, sometimes the appetiser is better than the main course;

— Nikhil Saluja

A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how awesome you are at lying to her face.

— Nikhil Saluja

Boys, Women are easy. Tell them they're pretty. Compliment some shit. Fuck them like you hate them. Easy.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't wanna discuss about it - People who want to discuss about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I see a Caution: slippery when wet sign I hide it somewhere, then I sit down & enjoy the show.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, The process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction;

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason women need men around the house is because we haven't made a vibrator that can kill spiders.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you have a bunch of cash in your wallet, you'll buy anything. But the last 10$ can last an entire week..

— Nikhil Saluja

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are brave... when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm happy I didn't belong to generation when people used gun powder to grow guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, The one person who in an argument, if you win -- you lose;

— Nikhil Saluja

Broken hearts, love's deceit, pieces fall down to my feet. Broken promises, love's a lie, puddles form from the tears I cry.

— Nikhil Saluja