Witty Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 21

PRAISE, Something which, if directed to your wife, will lighten your marriage -- even if it frightens her at first.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every father thinks that his son is an idiot, but only my dad is right.

— Nikhil Saluja

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't have anger issues, I have issues with idiots who make me angry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pick-Up Line: That blouse looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

— Nikhil Saluja

KISSING, While, medically, it may not spread infection -- it sure lowers a girl's resistance;

— Nikhil Saluja

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

— Nikhil Saluja

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

Tears running down my face like rain, who would have ever thought that love would come with so much pain.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just want someone to compliment my new underwear. Ugh, its so hard being a salesman in this day and age.

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future.

— Nikhil Saluja

Site Engineer is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

— Nikhil Saluja

On one thing, at least, men & women both agree: They both distrust women.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've never felt this way about anyone before. - Every girl, literally every time they like a guy

— Nikhil Saluja

Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get nervous and give the wrong answers.

— Nikhil Saluja

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

— Nikhil Saluja

You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks.

— Nikhil Saluja

A lot of women don't like to give blow jobs. On a related note: A lot of marriages fail.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's hard for me to say I love you because the word you isn't beer or sex or football.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, TRADITIONAL, A man who expects his wife to help him with the dishes

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is achieved when silence between two people is comfortable;

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A word which always means commitment -- but so does insanity;

— Nikhil Saluja

When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

— Nikhil Saluja

My road to success is blocked by a huge rocks obstacle with a big sign that says 'Twitter.com'

— Nikhil Saluja

I dont own any stocks or bonds. All my money is tied up in debt.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who is so timid, he is even afraid to talk back to other people's wives

— Nikhil Saluja

When someone says wow you are a pervert , look at them, smile & say it took you this long to figure that out?

— Nikhil Saluja

NASCAR : The most exciting sport for people who have never seen a fucking freeway.

— Nikhil Saluja

The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can always win an argument with a lady during your last few minutes of your life by telling her that she's…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIED MAN, a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: I'll be right out

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life;

— Nikhil Saluja

My Girlfriend just said that I should stop acting like an year old. I almost choked on her boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

I would like to open a restaurant, call it the Marilyn Monroe Café, and put hundreds of pictures of Jeff Goldblum on…

— Nikhil Saluja