Twitter Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 26

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

— Nikhil Saluja

She: Do You Think Im Fat Now.? Me: No Baby, You Have Just Become My Teddy Bearfrom A Barbie Doll..!! ¥

— Nikhil Saluja

Math: Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

— Nikhil Saluja

KISSING, While, medically, it may not spread infection -- it sure lowers a girl's resistance;

— Nikhil Saluja

Every year, I start to realize how stupid I was the year before.

— Nikhil Saluja

Million dollar idea: A smart phone that doesn't receive phone calls.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't have anger issues, I have issues with idiots who make me angry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pick-Up Line: That blouse looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every father thinks that his son is an idiot, but only my dad is right.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first.

— Nikhil Saluja

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

— Nikhil Saluja

PRAISE, Something which, if directed to your wife, will lighten your marriage -- even if it frightens her at first.

— Nikhil Saluja

Math: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

— Nikhil Saluja

When I die I want to be be reincarnated as a Lizard. Just so I can finally hear a women say Oh…

— Nikhil Saluja

Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they…

— Nikhil Saluja

Twitter: where people with more than 1000 followers start acting like celebrities.

— Nikhil Saluja

Prefix: What a man does just before his wife calls the plumber. Or electrician, mechanic ...

— Nikhil Saluja

My wife nearly crashed the car today. Thankfully I remembered to hide the keys.

— Nikhil Saluja

Expectoration: If you go to a political rally, you should EXPECTORATION.

— Nikhil Saluja

Actual warning printed on the bottom of a package of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert : Do not turn upside down.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not a mind reader, your unspoken words doesn't tell me anything at all.

— Nikhil Saluja

The thing I admire most in my girlfriend is her brains and the way that each of them has an attractive nipple…

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A lady who is much like an angler -- each think the best one got away;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm the only man who has a marriage license made out To Whom It My Concern .

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, don't complain about why he came home so late. Take him in the room & remind him why he should get…

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The only virtue that can be divided endlessly and still not be diminished;

— Nikhil Saluja

It's only happy hour if a hot girl is sharing your drinks. Otherwise it's just drowning your misery.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been banging my head against this wall for hours trying to figure out where all this blood is coming from!

— Nikhil Saluja

Twitter: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.

— Nikhil Saluja

Assumptions are those things we make when we are too lazy to check out the facts.

— Nikhil Saluja

Relationship Status: Apologizing everytime for saying something hilarious.

— Nikhil Saluja

With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!

— Nikhil Saluja

Consultant is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

Idiots don't know they are idiots, I know I am an idiot therefore I am not an idiot ;)

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I get the feeling that you guys aren't thinking about my tweets all the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

History may repeat itself, But Herstory won't ever shut the fuck up about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the DOCTOR says, Take off your clothes.

— Nikhil Saluja

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.

— Nikhil Saluja

Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall … And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch ……

— Nikhil Saluja