I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I joke around sometimes and say that the DP [director of photography] is like a shrink for the director, but there's some… — Reed Morano Copy Share Image
Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
“Most unintelligent or foolish people do not regard themselves as that; they regard themselves as not-that-intelligent or not-that-wise.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Zen people love Buddha so tremendously that they can even play jokes upon him. It is out of great love; they are… — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
I'd worked with Marlon [Brando] a couple of times, and he was a practical joker. He was far more interested in getting… — Johnny Depp Copy Share Image
I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and… — Aaron McGruder Copy Share Image
Lying contains the same hostile elements as a practical joke in that the 'victim' ends up looking foolish in his own eyes… — Sue Grafton Copy Share Image
First and foremost when you're doing comedy, you gotta be relevant and applicable to the times that you're living in. When you… — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
Lend's dad, two werewolves, and a vampire. It was like the setup to a bad joke or something. A doctor, two werewolves,… — Kiersten White Copy Share Image
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for Rocks." Martha said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks."… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I myself am convinced that the theory of evolution, especially to the extent to which it has been applied, will be one… — Malcolm Muggeridge Copy Share Image
And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
On 'Lab Rats,' I read the script probably three or four times before we ever even do a table read because I… — Billy Unger Copy Share Image
You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
To call them emotional comedies sounds cloying. Like Billy Wilder said, 'You want to make them laugh and you want to make… — Charles Shyer Copy Share Image
All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from… — Alan Moore Copy Share Image
What is the best sexual position to create a gorgeous, charming absolutely attractive and cute baby?… Ask my parents! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Most of my favorite tweets go completely ignored but most of my favorite tweets are probably really lame or inside jokes between… — Roxane Gay Copy Share Image
I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you… — Nick Kroll Copy Share Image
My girlfriend thinks my jokes are stupid, but she still let's me put my penis inside of her. So, who's stupid now? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The State trained us to make other people's terrible jokes work, which is the other part of the game when you're here. — Robert Ben Garant Copy Share Image
I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a… — Maria Shriver Copy Share Image
I've always been into leopard print. No joke, when I was 14 years old I wanted my entire room to be covered… — Kim Kardashian Copy Share Image
I only became a celebrity because I had a kid. Before I was pregnant nobody cared. I joke to my agent that… — Busy Philipps Copy Share Image
There are always a lot of jokes and good vibes floating through the studio so tattooing all day doesn't feel like a… — William Webb Copy Share Image
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny. — Alan King Copy Share Image
What is a sense of humor? Surely not the ability to understand a joke. It comes rather from a residing feeling of… — Clifton Fadiman Copy Share Image
I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Any so-called leader who does not take this issue (climate change) seriously or treats it like a joke is not fit to… — Barack Obama Copy Share Image
I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There are practical things which contribute to a joke's funniness. People will find a joke funnier if they are sitting closer together,… — Ben Miller Copy Share Image
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring… — Horla Copy Share Image
Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know… — Alain de Botton Copy Share Image
We humans are not born alone; joining and being active in a club whose members share your passion for ideas and get… — Richard Lederer Copy Share Image
I do Twitter, but I'm still not great on it - I'm not good at writing short little jokes, so my Twitter's… — Cecily Strong Copy Share Image
Shame about how we’re gonna die here, though. I mean, seriously. An Arab and a half-Jew enter a store in Tennessee. It’s… — John Green Copy Share Image
![“I joke around sometimes and say that the DP [director of photography] is like a shrink for the director, but there's some truth in there.” quote by Reed Morano](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/323/reed-morano-7427_cinema_i-joke-around-sometimes-and-say-that-the_1600758.jpg)
![“I'd worked with Marlon [Brando] a couple of times, and he was a practical joker. He was far more interested in getting jokes out than getting the words out. We laughed all the time.” quote by Johnny Depp](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/1c9/johnny-depp-658_brando_i-d-worked-with-marlon-brando-a-couple-o_2173762.jpg)
![“Most of my favorite tweets go completely ignored but most of my favorite tweets are probably really lame or inside jokes between me and my [redacted]. See what I did there?” quote by Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/8b6/roxane-gay-520_ignored_most-of-my-favorite-tweets-go-completely_106926.png)
