A white lady came running up to me after a show. She goes, What gives you the right to do jokes about… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
A good joke will sell quicker than a good poem, and, measured in sweat and blood, will bring better remuneration. — Jack London Copy Share Image
Going to gym really sucks. But I calculated, and there's a good news - I only have to go 9,972 times before… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
"My only problem with women breastfeeding in public is they never wink back." It's kind of the perfect joke because it's a… — Gavin McInnes Copy Share Image
I once told a journalist that girls call me 'Kitten,' but I couldn't have been more sarcastic, and no matter how many… — Joaquin Phoenix Copy Share Image
The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
As I grow older, I become more and more of a Marxist - Groucho, that is. When you have lived two-thirds of… — Karen DeCrow Copy Share Image
Writers tend to hate recurring characters; there's this writer snob thing about it. But I don't have that. I feel like the… — Ana Gasteyer Copy Share Image
As I see it, mainstream comics now speak only to the hardcore few who stayed; conversing in a weird, garbled, visual pig… — Scott McCloud Copy Share Image
Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidney. I'm so tired. But when you're having… — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports… — Babloo Copy Share Image
I always make this joke that I know you were expecting to see the big skirts and the hoops. But that was… — Jody Watley Copy Share Image
I'm not a man who constantly thinks up jokes. But I think it's very important to be able to see the funny… — Pope Benedict XVI Copy Share Image
I use a lot of humor, and I follow the saying that if you want to tell people the truth, you better… — Sayed Kashua Copy Share Image
This specter of the female politician, who abandons her family to neglect for the sake of passing bills in parliament, is just… — Frances Power Cobbe Copy Share Image
There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most… — Robin Ince Copy Share Image
We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed… — Gene Perret Copy Share Image
I used to crack A joke when Sourav Ganguly is upset and make him happy , i usually speak in bengali which… — Sachin Tendulkar Copy Share Image
“You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?' — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Contrary to reports, this boy is not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle - and not just in… — Bono Copy Share Image
It's fun when the writers start writing jokes to you, but also it's fun when the writers will come to you and… — David Alan Basche Copy Share Image
Audiences of critical thinkers are my favorite kinds of audiences. There are jokes I tell in the show that don't get laughs… — Adam Savage Copy Share Image
It's important to be yourself. What art does for everyone, helps you understand yourself and in a distilled way, whether it's a… — Val Kilmer Copy Share Image
As the years went on, the audience has become very jaded. They've heard every joke, they've seen every story line, they know… — Betty White Copy Share Image
“There were a great many jokes about the disaster (house falling on and killing Wicked Witch of the East), naturally. "You can't… — Gregory Maguire Copy Share Image
Like everyone is either, "I grew up with it," or "I loved it," or loved them now. And when you watch The… — Nicholas Stoller Copy Share Image
Some People Don't Know When To Open Their Mouth And Talk. They Don't Know When To Start And Stop. They Don't Know… — Sabelo Lan Mashabela Copy Share Image
We are not evil. We don't harm or seduce people. We are not dangerous. We are ordinary people like you. We have… — Margot Adler Copy Share Image
I cut my teeth playing rock songs on the accordion when I was a teenager and my friends always thought that was… — Al Yankovic Copy Share Image
I started to make harder jokes before anyone else did. And the producers would get anxious. They'd say, 'That's a little bit… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
There are things you do when you're writing that are so fun to do it's almost like they're private jokes that are… — Chad Harbach Copy Share Image
I used to watch 'Coming to America' every day after school. I have full-on long-running inside jokes with friends and family about… — Gabourey Sidibe Copy Share Image
When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots… — Richard Lewis Copy Share Image
There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context.… — Tom Stoppard Copy Share Image
Star Wars film is breaking all previous box office records. (Why might we want to revisit those characters, that narrative, those jokes… — Laura Mullen Copy Share Image
One of my favorite titles of an art piece is "Première Communion de Jeunes Filles Chlorotiques Par Un Temps De Neige" or… — Matthea Harvey Copy Share Image
