I began as a true beginner, not knowing how to dance or perform. I just entered a local contest in town as… — Debbie Reynolds Copy Share Image
I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get… — Howard Stern Copy Share Image
It seems to me that romantic comedies used to be about falling in love, but in recent years they've really become just… — Nigel Cole Copy Share Image
The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
I think when the joke comes from the situation in a horror film, it's really great. I don't like jokey horror films… — Guillermo del Toro Copy Share Image
I've reached a new level of closeness with a new friend when I can make a joke at their expense. That's one… — Kenneth Lonergan Copy Share Image
I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make… — David Lee Roth Copy Share Image
Old People At Weddings Always Poke Me And Say 'YOU'RE NEXT' So, I Started Joking, Doing The Same Thing To Them At… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Sometimes you go up to people who look totally normal and then you talk to them for a few seconds and you… — Billy Eichner Copy Share Image
I'll be honest with you, one of the things that frustrated me the most out the record leak thing, it had nothing… — Bradford Cox Copy Share Image
I'm always looking for what's something that Bradley Whitford's character can say that is completely outrageous and completely wrong, but in a… — Matt Nix Copy Share Image
For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did… — Gary Gulman Copy Share Image
For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke… — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
A 5yrs old girl asked her teacher; PLS SIR, DOES HONEY HAVE LEGS?? The teacher answered NO my dear but why do… — Robzybobby Copy Share Image
“Thanksgiving Jokes Q: Who is never hungry at Thanksgiving? A: The turkey because he is always stuffed! Q: What’s the best thing… — Uncle Amon Copy Share Image
What sort of difficulties would happen when people of different cultures try to come together to worship? Tiny little things such as… — Michael Emerson Copy Share Image
As for basic jokes about sex and even my religious stuff, I don't find any problems with that, even if I'm gigging… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
My poems... the ones that start out as jokes become these big ponderous things and the ones that start out ponderous devolve… — Jess Walter Copy Share Image
When a drawing doesn't come out right it's because I haven't figured out where the joke is. Not that every drawing has… — Edward Sorel Copy Share Image
A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward… — Max Eastman Copy Share Image
I never have goals or dreams. My sister says it's pathetic and lazy, but I had a goal, to tell jokes to… — Kathleen Madigan Copy Share Image
I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that… — Russell Baker Copy Share Image
And the bigger the fall, the bigger the joke. It would be better fun to throw a custard pie at a bishop… — George Orwell Copy Share Image
If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you… — Buddy Hackett Copy Share Image
I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child's cooking show during dinner and joke with my roommates… — Martin Yan Copy Share Image
A joke was not a single-use item but something you brought out again and again until it fell apart in your hand… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don't get a laugh but I love… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
To have a reputation for being noble, she thought, is more confining than to be known as a wit. On the rare… — Libbie Block Copy Share Image
With comics it's very close, like, "I don't want to say anything onstage that I wouldn't say offstage." Or vice versa. I… — Neal Brennan Copy Share Image
I'm against eating a human being alive - I don't do it. Somebody might make cannibalism jokes and laugh it off like… — John Maus Copy Share Image
I think when people watch a lot of artists, they're expecting this showiness, and I'm cracking jokes with people. I'm heckling back.… — Caitlin Rose Copy Share Image
She had something down there twice as big as mine. That's why I say you better watch where you stroke, cause it… — Gary B.B. Coleman Copy Share Image
At the same time, we can't blame comedians for taking time to learn. Any critic of comedy who believes that he has… — Guy Branum Copy Share Image
I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university… — Jasper Fforde Copy Share Image
If you want something to be done you got to do it for yourself is not an excuse to master bate some… — Mathew Brakett Copy Share Image
It’s a basic rule of humor that a joke is always at somebody’s expense. Really good jokes, however, tend to be at… — Richard Kalvar Copy Share Image
The IPCC - and all the mainstream media and environmental extremists who cite it uncritically - really have become a joke in… — Joseph L. Bast Copy Share Image
