Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the… — Arthur Smith Copy Share Image
There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very… — Geoffrey Parfitt Copy Share Image
When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn… — David Byrne Copy Share Image
Happiness requires that we give up a worldly orientation-not worldly things, but a worldly attachment to things. We have to surrender all… — Marianne Williamson Copy Share Image
I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material.… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I always made people laugh, and everybody wanted me to sit at the table with them. I don't joke as much as… — Missy Elliot Copy Share Image
For me, a tour show should have a narrative; it should have an arc. It shouldn't just be, "Here's one joke, here's… — John Bishop Copy Share Image
I've been writing joke songs since I was a kid and it served me well at S.N.L. I can write those in… — Maya Rudolph Copy Share Image
It's the fun part 'cause you don't have any of the real heavy-lifting to do. You just come in and shout and… — Justin Theroux Copy Share Image
There are certain things that are probably too mean. I don't particularly like fat jokes. Those kind of bother me. But I… — Todd Barry Copy Share Image
In high school, my friend and I discovered that your cable-access station had to let you do whatever you wanted - it… — Michael Schur Copy Share Image
I like the idea of building the suspense and taking it all the way up to the very last second with the… — Corey Feldman Copy Share Image
When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I am very optimistic about the long run prospects for democracy in China. Chinese society is being dramatically and rapidly transformed. And… — Larry Diamond Copy Share Image
If you have only a little capital and are young today, there are fewer opportunities than when I was young. Back then,… — Charlie Munger Copy Share Image
I make the joke, all the time, that if you have the word "man" and a number in the title, like Batman… — Rob Reiner Copy Share Image
Sometimes I joke that I'm an Elizabethan who's had the misfortune to be alive during the reign of the wrong Elizabeth. — George Fetherling Copy Share Image
Before I start, I'd like to assure you that this speech won't be full of carry on style jokes. Although last night… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For me, I'm a fan of really dark, depressing stuff. Even something like The Wire, which can be hugely depressing and really… — Declan Shalvey Copy Share Image
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
Science Teacher: Oxygen is a must for breathing & for life, It was discovered in 1773. Student: Thank God! I am born… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as… — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
I really thought that I'd be doing Shakespeare, honest to God. I did not foresee the whole action television thing. That was… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“Get it into your thick head that jokes are just like life. Things that begin badly, end badly. Everything's fine in the… — László Krasznahorkai Copy Share Image
Garry Shandling is someone I've publicly gone gay for, for jokes. Oh and anyone in the Twilight movies. I don't know any… — David Duchovny Copy Share Image
Usually, my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
[Donald] Trump, he - you know, buy American, buy American, anti-free trade, and got big cheers. They're waving Russian flags, probably partly… — Mark Shields Copy Share Image
“To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
A constant ongoing joke among the people that I travel with is my absolutely hopeless sense of direction. I'm able to get… — Tim Cahill Copy Share Image
Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me… — Greg Giraldo Copy Share Image
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A lot of comedies fall apart because they just go from joke to joke, and the characters are all sort of being… — Paul Feig Copy Share Image
I can't even really tell a joke. I find being funny very hard work. I am always asked about it and I… — Madeline Kahn Copy Share Image
I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Norbit operates on the principle that vulgarity is automatically funny. Crassness doesn't need a joke attached because it is (in and of… — James Berardinelli Copy Share Image
Love's a weird one, isn't it? I've never told my husband Graham that I love him. He's never told me either. I… — Sarah Beeny Copy Share Image
They ask me what the biggest thing I have going on right now is, and I usually say, "I think this interview?"… — T. J. Miller Copy Share Image
With stand-up, there's a little bit of an exaggerated reality because things have to be manipulated to create comedy, to create jokes. — Chris Hardwick Copy Share Image
I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm from New York, I make kind of somewhat maybe lewd, at times - maybe some would say dirty - jokes. But… — Sarah Michelle Gellar Copy Share Image
![“[Donald] Trump, he - you know, buy American, buy American, anti-free trade, and got big cheers. They're waving Russian flags, probably partly as a joke. But, still, the party has become an ethnic nationalist party.” quote by Mark Shields](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/3f1/mark-shields-1572_bigs_donald-trump-he-you-know-buy-american-bu_3085705.jpg)
