Jokes Quotes · Page 91

I think you need to have the guts to not use comedy. Often, the people that work in comedy use a joke…

— Steve Coogan

White people made up the n-word, they knew about racial jokes before anybody, and in their old movies and old cartoons they…

— Paul Mooney

I see my daft surname as a positive thing. It first dawned on me that I had a comical name when someone…

— Laura Haddock

I guess I tell jokes a lot, but I'm not really that sure because sometimes they don't laugh, and they just stare…

— Naomi Osaka

It's often the way that people who take their work seriously laugh at stupid jokes; it's as if they are under-humored and,…

— Nick Hornby

It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see…

— Alan Moore

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the…

— Penn Jillette

To me, racist jokes are not funny. I am politically correct, in a weird way. I like to push the boundaries that…

— John Waters

With the Tonys it's a little tricky because a lot of the funnier jokes are more insider, so people watching at home…

— Neil Patrick Harris

There's a joke in the movie...it's got a fairytale ending, and this is a spoiler: Donald Trump does contract HIV. I think…

— Sacha Baron Cohen

I definitely am a performer, and there are different styles of stand-up; I mean, some people are writers and they get onstage…

— Chris D'Elia

It was tough sitting in jail listening to Jay Leno and Rush Limbaugh and everybody making jokes about me getting shot. And…

— Tupac Shakur

I still don't really know what my style is. I like a lot of different kinds of comedy, I like watching it…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I was saying as a joke the other day that I love film editing, I know how to cut a picture, I…

— Martin Scorsese

Passengers don't like changing planes. That means waiting time, stress, running around. There's a joke that the hub principle is supposed to…

— Stelios Haji-Ioannou

I try my jokes onstage. The only way to really find out if something is going to work is to try it…

— Brian Regan

When I watch TV I can tell when someone is punching the joke and telling me when to laugh (I’ll decide when…

— Nathan Fillion

I think one artist to another artist, the best compliment you can pay one another, because the part of you that is…

— Dave Chappelle

I hate Mother's Day. If anything, it's an affront to all women who think full-time moms have never worked a day in…

— Kimberly Guilfoyle

Laughter... is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are…

— Stephen King

I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't…

— John Roberts

My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and…

— Anonymous

Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window. If it gets any worse I'll have…

— Nikhil Saluja

Had a virtual friend once. But all he did was tweeting all day. Also, his name was Virtual Friend. Man, what was…

— Nikhil Saluja

I believe reality is a marvelous joke staged for my edification and amusement and everybody is working very hard to make me…

— Terence McKenna

I love how people takes jokes seriously…like damn its a fucking joke get over it...its not my fault that I'm the best...if…

— DevilgirlLovesU

I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it…

— Aziz Ansari

I was a class clown. At 12, I was definitely clowning. I was making all the jokes. But I was smart, so…

— J. Cole

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us…

— Robert Benchley

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the…

— Dane Cook

I'm not as serious of a person as people make me out to be. Most people would think that I would be…

— T.I

When you look back at the older cartoons, they're very much more observational cartoons. And the cartoon, the people in the cartoons…

— Robert Mankoff

Plus, I was about to spend six weeks with Christian Ozera. He was sarcastic, difficult, and made jokes about everything. Actually, he…

— Richelle Mead

The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they…

— Anonymous

I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I…

— Mitch Hedberg

He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're…

— Raven-Symone

I remember, growing up, if something big - God forbid - happened, the first jokes you heard on the subject came out…

— Oscar Nunez

I've never considered stand-up. Luckily I'm given great lines to say. I'm not sure how great my timing would be if I…

— Emma Caulfield

I'm making fun of midwestern homophobia [in the joke], but I'm still saying faggot. And almost every month as I'm doing that…

— Neal Brennan

I used to tell jokes about Internet-enabled lightbulbs. I can't tell jokes about it anymore - there already is an Internet-connected lightbulb.

— Vint Cerf