Skip to content

Portrait of Nick Offerman

Nick Offerman

(1970) Actor United States

171 quotes in 881 categories

Nick Offerman draws on theater and combat experience to shape his humor. He calls himself a humorist who finds laughs in mundane material and jokes about laziness as a human condition. He also shares quirky observations, like the oddity of a celebrity handshake or the unexpected link between comedy and Leviticus.

Rate this collection: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet

Nick Offerman is an actor from the United States, best known for Paddle your own canoe.

Quick Facts About Nick Offerman

Born: June 26, 1970
Nationality: United States
Profession: Actor
Notable works: Paddle your own canoe
Spouse: Megan Mullally

About Nick Offerman

Nick Offerman is an American actor, comedian, carpenter and writer. He gained fame as Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation (2009–2015). For the role he received the Television Critics Association Award for Individual Achievement in Comedy and was twice nominated for the Critics' Choice Television Award for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.

Awards & Honors

TCA Awards

Quotes by Nick Offerman

Shut your damn mouth.

Image

The ultimate disguise is nothing. Nudity.

Disguise

Image

Technically, we're all half centaur.

Image

I am a saxophone player.

Image

Children are so egocentric - they want to watch their lives, and not yours.

Child

Image

There's a lot of common sense ... which I feel like we have lost touch with.

Image

Just stand up for your principals and be loyal to your friends and family.

Family

Image

Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.

Image

The quest for the next key art awards begins with tomorrow's hangover

Adventure

Image

“I want to forevermore take "unkempt" as a compliment”

Image

The fact that I have a job that people even watch is an incredible gift.

Facts

Image

I just always had a penchant for performing for people.I'm a jackass clown.

Clown

Image

I spent a lot of my youth working outside in the elements, and I kind of revel in defeating tough weather.

Elements

Image

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza.

Food

Image

My wife happens to be probably the greatest working woman in comedy. I can't think of anyone who even approaches her achievements…

Ability

Image

No matter how you decide to spend a little more time on your gestures of giving, the point is just quite simply…

Image

People are afraid that they're going to upset somebody on top, and so there's a real sense of, I've got to be…

Image

Whenever I have a stubborn position on something, I take a deep breath and swallow myself.

Breath

Image

I also grew up building theatrical scenery. I spent many years building scenery as a large part of my income and that…

Image

There have been a few occurrences where people in restaurants have sent me a rasher of bacon, which I am not going…

Bacon

Image

It's hard to swallow when people say, "Oh my God, you're a master of something." I say, "No, I'm actually a student…

Disciple

Image

“For example, when George Washington was elected our nation’s first president, Madison wrote his inaugural address, as well as the House of…

Image

I don't know what it is on an elemental level, but a beard in general evokes hedonism. It's a more lush personal…

Image

“Whatever the adversity, if a man is on hand to provide ease to a lady’s cause, I think he’s a shitheel if…

Feminism

Image

My uncles, who are farmers in Minooka, Illinois - I grew up with them and their pickup trucks and mustaches, and to…

Image

The first thing I do, after I talk with the director and we agree that I'm going to do the role... My…

Image

Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the…

Alcohol

Image

I won't read a new graphic comic novel until the writer has completed the entire series. I got burned a few times…

Book

Image

“I eat a bunch of spinach, but only to clean out my pipes to make room for more ribs, fool! I will…

Eating

Image

I first read Wendell Berry's short-story collections, "Fidelity" and then "Watch with Me." They just knocked my socks off. The characters and…

Image

“I eat a bunch of spinach, but only to clean out my pipes to make room for more ribs, fool! I will…

Eating

Image

“You will not be punished for those beliefs in our nation of individual freedoms. But I do think the vast majority of…

Fairy tale

Image

Turn off your computer and go out of doors. Dig a large enough hole to transplant a mature apple tree. Nurture the…

Image

“How to Be a Man Step One: Eat a steak, preferably raw. If you can find a juicy steer and just maw…

Food

Image

“I love my country. Holy shit, do I love America. In many ways, it is the glorious result of some very open-minded…

Bible

Image

“A moustache is a socialized way to say, "Okay, look, I'll let you see most of my face, since that's what we're…

Doing right

Image

Whatever it is you like to do, that's the sexiest part of you.

Funny

Image

I don't put a great deal of stock in art trophies.

Art

Image

Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.

Being honest

Image

Only when you get into TV and film, do people really want you to be a 'specialist'.

Cinema

Image

Nick Offerman by topic

People (22) Thinking (15) Life (12) Food (12) Theatre (10) Inspirational (10) Actor (10)