Nick Offerman

Really, all religious teachings can be boiled down to: “Just be cool. Don’t be an asshole.

— Nick Offerman

My family has schoolteachers and librarians, and I think people who teach are probably some of our greatest American heroes. Certainly, underpaid…

— Nick Offerman

If I put down my tweeter machine for a minute, I actually can communicate with people. As an aside, astonishingly, I just…

— Nick Offerman

I really bridled when Parks And Rec became popular and woodworking publications wanted me to do stuff with them.

— Nick Offerman

When I got my job on 'Parks,' it was so dreamy, kind of unfathomable. I didn't think a job that excellent could…

— Nick Offerman

When we think of an actor, we think of a tanned, frosted-tipped, model-looking guy. We don't think of a plumber.

— Nick Offerman

I never went too long without a job. The problem was a lot of the early jobs are almost more demoralizing than…

— Nick Offerman

If I had more time, I'd watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.

— Nick Offerman

I'm enjoying the opportunity that 'Parks And Recreation' affords me to exploit my own soapbox agenda, which is to try to encourage…

— Nick Offerman

Auditioning for television shows - to find a guy who has a lot of experience as a laborer is a bit of…

— Nick Offerman

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza. I love a slice…

— Nick Offerman

I have a Kenwood charcoal grill. In our house, if anybody is cooking, it's me. I love making burgers. I love making…

— Nick Offerman

Of course smartphones are brilliant inventions, but the nefarious thing about Twitter and other social media is that it starts to fill…

— Nick Offerman

I learned in my early years in the theater that I would never become the guy on top. I'll never create a…

— Nick Offerman

“Choose your favorite spade and dig a small, deep hole, located deep in the forest or a desolate area of the desert…

— Nick Offerman

“Of course, my fundamentals may not work for everyone. A beautiful aspect of the human race is our endless variety. Like maple…

— Nick Offerman

I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation.

— Nick Offerman

I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good.

— Nick Offerman

“Pursue decency in all dealings with your fellow man and woman. Simply put? Don’t be an asshole.”

— Nick Offerman

Jobs that require a suit upset me. They displease me much, as our world is rife with such superficial conformity.

— Nick Offerman

If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.

— Nick Offerman

I always had a lot of confidence in my work and the unique flavor I like to bring to my characters, but…

— Nick Offerman

I'm always pleased that I managed to stay out of jail throughout my tenure in Chicago.

— Nick Offerman

I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a…

— Nick Offerman

Your dreams are always going to seem much more profound to you then they are to your friend.

— Nick Offerman

If I had to pick one form of acting, it would be live theater. That's where I started; that's where I became…

— Nick Offerman

I grew up among farmers in Illinois and so you always have to have the tools you might need in the eventuality…

— Nick Offerman

I'm quite excited to not play a Xena type character - it's probably closer to me than any character I've ever played.

— Nick Offerman

Branding is quite an important thing. As an artist, you want to be able to explore facets of yourself.

— Nick Offerman

If you don't look at yourself and evaluate it, you instead see how the world's reacting to it.

— Nick Offerman

Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!

— Nick Offerman

Meat is a big deal in my life. I do love breakfast food, but I don't think that's extraordinary. I'm a normal…

— Nick Offerman

And what we've lost sight of is that performing manual labor with your hands is one of the most incredibly satisfying and…

— Nick Offerman

My education began in theater school, and it continues to this day. I just continued learning to be a better performer.

— Nick Offerman

Before people figured out I was funny, I got cast quite a bit as either a rapist or serial killer or the…

— Nick Offerman

I've been working steadily as an actor since around 1998. I wasn't well known in the public, but I was a dependable…

— Nick Offerman

I'm obsessed with the Victorian era and the British Royal Navy... I'd love to play a troubled sailor or captain or a…

— Nick Offerman

I am always so happy to be at 'SNL.' I still feel like a kid when I'm there, like I can't believe…

— Nick Offerman

I think that laziness in many ways is the human condition, and that's what has led us to this place where, as…

— Nick Offerman

I come from a family of fishermen. Fishing is very important to us. We don't hunt. We're not gun folk.

— Nick Offerman