Celebrating the holidays in the White House over these past eight years has been a true privilege. We've been able to welcome… — Michelle Obama Copy Share Image
Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
[J.F Kennedy] was a congressman and a senator and he would go on to be president. I had that idea as a… — Mike Pence Copy Share Image
It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Occasionally you get that one person that says "I really like that one part of this joke" and you go, "Oh thank… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
I kind of joke with myself that you shouldn't be able to be a creative producer if you weren't a first AD.… — Bruce Cohen Copy Share Image
It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I joke that I've never been burdened by having an actual hit. There's something to that. My records have sold enough to… — Lyle Lovett Copy Share Image
“I wrote. I wrote all the things I couldn’t say to him. I wrote about how much I believed in us. I… — Kimberly Novosel Copy Share Image
Yes, we were amazed when that happened. It was a real joke to us. Konrad Lueg and I did a Happening, and… — Gerhard Richter Copy Share Image
I have this JPM thing: jokes per minute. I've worked out that I should get in about 12 punchlines in five minutes.… — Frank Skinner Copy Share Image
I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I did a guest shot on a comedy series where they did 20 to 30 takes of everything. It's just gone by… — Dick Van Dyke Copy Share Image
There is a fact-based belief system available to you if you want to believe in facts. But this is the weirdest time.… — John Flansburgh Copy Share Image
I believe that a perfect house is like a perfect person; no one really wants to be around them and everyone secretly… — Emily Henderson Copy Share Image
The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He… — Dick Cavett Copy Share Image
Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other… — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
In your thirties, you're much more comfortable with sex. First of all, sex is something you've done more. You know you can… — Julie Delpy Copy Share Image
The joke of it all is that you are looking from your true nature right now without knowing it. If you would… — Adyashanti Copy Share Image
“Hey, dragon!" Jay said loudly. The dragon opened one eye. "How can you tell if you have a dragon in your bathroom?… — Greg Farshtey Copy Share Image
I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute,… — Ronnie Barker Copy Share Image
I think that every show on television has its place. I think Married With Children or, I don't know, The Nanny... some… — Peter Krause Copy Share Image
I'm not making fun of it because I want to make fun of it. I'm making fun of it so I feel… — Pete Davidson Copy Share Image
There is a joke that I use all the time. I say it to my kids. I used to say it to… — Stanley Tucci Copy Share Image
When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's… — Russell Brand Copy Share Image
Laughter is something we have against oppression and oppressive people. Dictators hate people who laugh at them. It's easy for them to… — Burhan Sonmez Copy Share Image
I was worried on a personal level because I wanted to be slightly taller than I am, ideally. But I've now accepted… — Daniel Radcliffe Copy Share Image
My stand-up has always been very character-based. I'm not really the kind of person that's like, 'Hey, here's what's on my mind!… — Mary Lynn Rajskub Copy Share Image
A great many people (not you) do now seem to think that the mere state of being worried is in itself meritorious.… — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
“I wonder Pa went so easy. I wonder Grampa didn' kill nobody. Nobody never tol' Grampa where to put his feet. An'… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
“The year that Rutherford died (1938) there disappeared forever the happy days of free scientific work which gave us such delight in… — Pyotr Kapitsa Copy Share Image
To our betters eve can reconcile ourselves, if you please--respecting them sincerely, laughing at their jokes, making allowance for their stupidities, meekly… — William Makepeace Thackeray Copy Share Image
I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty… — Dylan Thomas Copy Share Image
As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
An audience who watches my shows knows who I am, knows that right when they think I'm going to make a joke,… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said… — Harry Hill Copy Share Image
This is not really currency that circulates. It's like the old joke about expensive vintage wine. Wine prices will go up and… — Michael Hudson Copy Share Image
I'm not offended. Lenny Bruce taught me that everything's funny. You can make everything funny. I don't think that assassinations are funny,… — Larry King Copy Share Image
![“Celebrating the holidays in the White House over these past eight years has been a true privilege. We've been able to welcome over half a million guests... our outstanding pastry chefs have baked 200,000 holiday cookies... and Barack [Obama] has treated the American people to countless dad jokes.” quote by Michelle Obama](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/a4a/michelle-obama-518_able_celebrating-the-holidays-in-the-white-ho_1473563.jpg)
![“[J.F Kennedy] was a congressman and a senator and he would go on to be president. I had that idea as a little boy, and I used to joke to people but nobody told me that his father was ambassador to England and that he was a war hero, and he was, you know.” quote by Mike Pence](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/887/mike-pence-577_ambassadors_j-f-kennedy-was-a-congressman-and-a-sena_516080.jpg)
