Ronnie Barker

Don't just crit their siticising.

— Ronnie Barker

It's better to make people laugh than cry.

— Ronnie Barker

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

— Ronnie Barker

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

— Ronnie Barker

If I was as rich as Rockefeller I'd be richer than Rockefeller, because I'd do a bit of window cleaning on the…

— Ronnie Barker

To get a job where the only thing you have to do in your career is to make people laugh-well, it's the…

— Ronnie Barker

In a packed programme tonight, we will be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

— Ronnie Barker

I suppose I would like to be remembered as one of the funniest men that people have seen on television.

— Ronnie Barker

To me singing is a joy. Choral singing is a delight. Welsh Choral singing is more than a delight. The Treorchy Male…

— Ronnie Barker

Next week we'll be investigating rumours that the president of the dairy council has become a Mason, and goes around giving his…

— Ronnie Barker

There was a strange happening during a performance of Elgar's 'Sea Pictures' at a concert hall in Bermuda tonight, when the man…

— Ronnie Barker

We had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and…

— Ronnie Barker

In a packed programme tonight, I shall be having a word with a man who goes in for meditation, because he thinks…

— Ronnie Barker

Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute,…

— Ronnie Barker

But first, the news: The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door…

— Ronnie Barker