I'm just having fun making jokes and writing books. But you see me once a year, I come on when I have… — T.C. Boyle Copy Share Image
Start dating someone who is funny, someone who has what in high school you called a "really great sense of humor" and… — Lorrie Moore Copy Share Image
Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“And there's a cop over there." "What?" the boy said, glancing at the D.C. police officer that stood at the corner of… — Ally Carter Copy Share Image
I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There used to be a joke that women need a reason to have sex, while men only need a place. Does policy… — Rush Limbaugh Copy Share Image
A sparrow lay dead on the backseat. She had found her way through a hole in the windscreen, tempted by some seat-sponge… — Arundhati Roy Copy Share Image
There are a lot of comedic actors who are just out to be the funny one and get all the laughs and… — Jake M. Johnson Copy Share Image
As an actor, you can really play the intensity and gravity and seriousness of the moment, and just rely on the circumstances… — Ed Helms Copy Share Image
Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen has been the Queensland premier the whole time we've been in Australia, and the state is a national joke… — Nick Earls Copy Share Image
I used to joke that one of the reasons there was a lack of classical work on my CV was because I… — Bill Nighy Copy Share Image
I call my backup singers my sister wives. To me, they are my best friends. We are all super close. It's kind… — Alex Winston Copy Share Image
Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There is plenty of time for Republicans to have a Macaca moment. But right now, as of October 17, 2014, the Republican… — Matthew Continetti Copy Share Image
I can do jokes sometimes where I feel like I'm being mean to a person - it's not like they're there -… — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
Fashion has become a joke. The designers have forgotten that there are women inside the dresses. Most women dress for men and… — Coco Chanel Copy Share Image
I’m assuming you’re as mystified by this as the rest of us, Rasputin. No. I’m not. I have been planning to destroy… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I lose faith every time I have to start a new page, and this is no joke. I've occasionally been criticized over… — Chris Ware Copy Share Image
America sometimes resembles, at least from the point of view of a black man, an exceedingly monotonous minstrel show; the same dances,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
It's when I make a joke about Indian people and then a white person comes up to me and says, "That's wrong.… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
I think it's a slightly crazy time actually, it's very difficult to satirise because each of politicians is in their own way… — Armando Iannucci Copy Share Image
All human populations are in some sense immigrants. All hostility between different cultures in one place has an aspect of the classic… — Neal Ascherson Copy Share Image
In my Dream +ME, I asked GOD why I have to be a good person? Is everyone don't do good to me.… — Hourbebe Copy Share Image
I have never fit into this town, this marriage, this skin. I am the child who was picked last to play tag;… — Jodi Picoult Copy Share Image
When I started in television, it was brand new. It was the miracle over in the corner of your room. Now the… — Betty White Copy Share Image
I came across an old story of mine that I'd written a decade ago. The main joke of the story is that… — Alexander Weinstein Copy Share Image
I guess Trump is joke-worthy more than ever because he's the president. I think Donald Trump being president is more about where… — Michael Che Copy Share Image
I don't like my wrestling or entertainment in general to be too clean or predictable for me as a fan. When I… — Dean Ambrose Copy Share Image
And what if we’d been utterly open? Made jokes about the first wife? What if we’d been that kind of family? Well,… — Sue Miller Copy Share Image
It happened: the first 9/11, it happened on September 11, 1973, in Chile. We did it. Was that interfering or hacking a… — Noam Chomsky Copy Share Image
This is a funny story. We'd asked the guards every day for cappuccino. You know, just as a joke. And they'd come… — Martha Stewart Copy Share Image
Brad Pitt is great fun. He jokes around all the time and has a real quality about him. On set the director… — Jason Flemyng Copy Share Image
teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or… — David Levithan Copy Share Image
I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or… — Natasha Lyonne Copy Share Image
“Well, what, what new thing can they say to me that I don't know myself? And is that the point? The point… — Fyodor Dostoyevsky Copy Share Image
I was always pretty broad. I've had a couple bad experiences. One time, I showed up late for a gig in Brooklyn… — Nick Swardson Copy Share Image
On a spiritual level, on a place where you want to be a better human being and listen more, I try. I… — Jake Gyllenhaal Copy Share Image
When I worked with Chevy Chase, Michael Ritchie would say, "Just ad lib and try to break me up. Just insult me.… — Tim Matheson Copy Share Image
![“I’m assuming you’re as mystified by this as the rest of us, Rasputin. No. I’m not. I have been planning to destroy the Breakworld since I was a child. [silence] This is why I don’t make so many jokes. I never know when is good.” quote by Joss Whedon](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/c14/joss-whedon-480_assuming_i-m-assuming-you-re-as-mystified-by-this_196955.png)
