I was the kid who always hung back and then dropped the jokes when you least expected it. Timing was everything. My… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of… — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
You don't see a wonderful shot in a comedy. Why? Because they don't want to distract you from what matters, which is… — Fede Alvarez Copy Share Image
I call my backup singers my sister wives. To me, they are my best friends. We are all super close. It's kind… — Alex Winston Copy Share Image
I used to joke that one of the reasons there was a lack of classical work on my CV was because I… — Bill Nighy Copy Share Image
Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen has been the Queensland premier the whole time we've been in Australia, and the state is a national joke… — Nick Earls Copy Share Image
As an actor, you can really play the intensity and gravity and seriousness of the moment, and just rely on the circumstances… — Ed Helms Copy Share Image
There are a lot of comedic actors who are just out to be the funny one and get all the laughs and… — Jake M. Johnson Copy Share Image
Fashion has become a joke. The designers have forgotten that there are women inside the dresses. Most women dress for men and… — Coco Chanel Copy Share Image
I’m assuming you’re as mystified by this as the rest of us, Rasputin. No. I’m not. I have been planning to destroy… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
I can do jokes sometimes where I feel like I'm being mean to a person - it's not like they're there -… — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what's the key to telling a good joke/creating great art… — Travis Nichols Copy Share Image
The Danes don't take themselves seriously at all and look for the joke in everything. Us Scots are on the same line… — Jamie Sives Copy Share Image
My father, the practical joker, did not care for practical jokes on himself; he did not encourage the practice in me. — Lincoln Steffens Copy Share Image
I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one… — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do not make fun of children or… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
I just need a day off, from reality, just a day without people, problems, and all the bullshit that runs through my… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I love jokes, but God, jokes can go so wrong. I have stayed up many nights thinking, "F**k. I can't believe I… — Drew Barrymore Copy Share Image
I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain to be alive for decades and not believe in… — Douglas Coupland Copy Share Image
Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was raised in a family where no one had a serious bone in their body and every answer was a riddle,… — James Brolin Copy Share Image
Russell Crowe likes to tell jokes, which I can't. I can't remember a joke to save my life. I don't have a… — Rachel McAdams Copy Share Image
Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to pay him if he ever has to… — Andy Waits Copy Share Image
So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored and kept pestering my Dad to go… — Robert Paul Copy Share Image
Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
It would drive the photographers crazy because I would giggle and tell jokes. I was gregarious, and looking back, I realize I… — Tracee Ellis Ross Copy Share Image
So this is it. You are scored on my heart, Clark. You were from the first day you walked in, with your… — Jojo Moyes Copy Share Image
I think there are brilliant jokes to be made about abortion, and we should be able to talk about this in the… — Caitlin Moran Copy Share Image
Some comics have long routines to get them in the mood - I just prefer to sit down, write out the same… — Jack Whitehall Copy Share Image
No reason to get excited,' the thief, he kindly spoke, There are many here among us who feel that life is but… — Bob Dylan Copy Share Image
I'm infamous, a joke. It doesn't make me feel good, because I'm a genuine person, but I don't let it get to… — William Hung Copy Share Image
![“I’m assuming you’re as mystified by this as the rest of us, Rasputin. No. I’m not. I have been planning to destroy the Breakworld since I was a child. [silence] This is why I don’t make so many jokes. I never know when is good.” quote by Joss Whedon](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/c14/joss-whedon-480_assuming_i-m-assuming-you-re-as-mystified-by-this_196955.png)
