I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I find it deeply upsetting when I see justice not being served. How do we as human beings deal with the unknown?… — Atom Egoyan Copy Share Image
So many guys are so conservative with their hair, and I always joke with all my buddies when they mess with me,… — Tom Brady Copy Share Image
Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else.… — John Lloyd Copy Share Image
I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it,… — Adam DeVine Copy Share Image
The best of my songs are more than just a joke. There's something else going on - a character, or it's not… — Randy Newman Copy Share Image
In Europe, they travel a lot lighter. I always joke that my Indonesian passengers bring their house and their neighbors house. — Tony Fernandes Copy Share Image
She said she wasn't afraid of Satan, in fact, she thought he was a joke. She said she'd tear his tail off… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is plenty of time for Republicans to have a Macaca moment. But right now, as of October 17, 2014, the Republican… — Matthew Continetti Copy Share Image
You are doing something over here and over there someone is telling you a joke, or giving you an important piece of… — Michael Ondaatje Copy Share Image
Did I have a heart to be contented? Well, no, not particularly. I had a tendency to be discontented: ambitious, dissatisfied, fretful,… — Gretchen Rubin Copy Share Image
I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a… — Khaled Hosseini Copy Share Image
I distrust Great Men... I believe in aristocracy, though... Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all… — E. M. Forster Copy Share Image
And there's so much extra material. I mean, I've certainly read as you asked about do I read reviews and stuff, like… — Nicholas Stoller Copy Share Image
George Lowe was the one who opened the mail, and George started laughing uproariously and I looked up at him in astonishment… — Edmund Hillary Copy Share Image
Perhaps the way to succeed is to think of life on Earth as a colossal joke, a creation of such immense stupidity… — Meg Rosoff Copy Share Image
We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz.… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
Please don't make me a joke. End the interview with what I believe. I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want… — Marilyn Monroe Copy Share Image
To know how to structure the joke perfectly so that the narrative information is given in the right tempo, in just the… — David Salle Copy Share Image
I want to get that same feeling that everybody logging on to our website is sharing a little bit of an inside… — Stan Lee Copy Share Image
Don't you love it when you're busy all you want to do is rest butttttttttttttt when your relaxing all you want to… — MrAwesome Copy Share Image
The studying, the books, exams, arguments, theories. The jokes and pints, laughter, kisses and songs. Life was like running, ninety percent sweat… — Siobhan Dowd Copy Share Image
Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit,… — Jo Brand Copy Share Image
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.'… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
Awkward moment when you are chatting with someone you like but triangle disturb it; until you type some superstitious word, and they… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Are we celebrating the fact that Guy Fawkes got caught trying to blow up parliament or he tried to have a go… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You're going to get violated in that ring. I am going to close the curtain on the joke that is the Audley… — David Haye Copy Share Image
Females don't have any better April Fools' Day jokes besides 'I'm pregnant'? People wouldn't be shocked hearing that from most of you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I'm not opposed to doing science fiction or comedy, but there has to be respect. I refuse to be the joke, the… — Darlene Cates Copy Share Image
“Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I think most other comics are like, 'I'm going to do my fkin' act and that'll be that.' With me, it's like,… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the… — Michael Schur Copy Share Image
I always joke that I'd like to be a cat 'cause then I'll have nine lives, and then I can do like… — Tavi Gevinson Copy Share Image
The high-handed bureaucratic excesses of the IRS are a national disgrace ... riding roughshod over the taxpayers and making a joke out… — Paul Laxalt Copy Share Image
A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone's sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and… — Manti Te'o Copy Share Image
