There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, This year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. And please, don't mix those two… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever… — W. Kamau Bell Copy Share Image
If you make people laugh or cry about little black marks on sheets of white paper, what is that but a practical… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
R2-D2 is like that, but I think because he doesn't speak actual words, his jokes don't land. It's really a hindrance. And… — Alan Tudyk Copy Share Image
Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't want to make compromises. I want my little silly jokes to be told with the correct punch line, and I'm… — Grant Hart Copy Share Image
Teacher : How Old are You ? Student : Check the Register .. Teacher : wer r u frm ? Student :… — Reynold Copy Share Image
Tis no extravagant arithmetic to say, that for every ten jokes, thou hast got an hundred enemies; and till thou hast gone… — Laurence Sterne Copy Share Image
Nefarious. This is what we get when we hire a Yale boy.” “You missed sacrosanct earlier. And taciturn and glowering,” Jack said.… — Julie James Copy Share Image
Your friends are at the house.' I sit up, straight. 'Who'? 'I don't know. Weird people. The Sullivan girl, whose father got… — Melina Marchetta Copy Share Image
It will startle you to see what slaves we are to by-gone times-to Death, if we give the matter the right word!… — Nathaniel Hawthorne Copy Share Image
Every single member is so precious to me and like family to me.. I may joke around with them a lot but… — Kim Hyo-yeon Copy Share Image
When I was very young and first worked in Hollywood, the films had bred in me one sole ambition: to get away… — Anita Loos Copy Share Image
“The historical record contradicts the assumption that the Nazis sentenced large numbers of people to death during World War II for telling… — Rudolph Herzog Copy Share Image
“When does a wife know that her husband is cheating on her? When he starts complaining about the lack of water as… — Felix Abt Copy Share Image
There are a lot of funny people in my family. Absolutely. There were a lot of jokes growing up around the dinner… — Nate Corddry Copy Share Image
Surrealism can only deliver a reactionary judgment; can make out of history only an accumulation of oddities, a joke, a death trip. — Susan Sontag Copy Share Image
I was never a joke teller. I don't even like jokes, for the most part. I don't like to hear them, and… — Ed O'Neill Copy Share Image
Hardly anyone today thinks about sex. We joke about it, dream about it, watch movies about it, listen to music about it,… — Jason Evert Copy Share Image
I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're… — Wallace Shawn Copy Share Image
I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. They had become stories. Nobody brought up the bad names or the bad times. And nobody… — Stephen Chbosky Copy Share Image
I was just doing it for fun. I was in college recording music as a joke, so I really didn't think that… — Cakes da killa Copy Share Image
A blonde just texted me and asked What does idk stand for? I said I dont know she said omg! nobody does!!...sorry… — Dionta Long Copy Share Image
My teammates know I'm down to earth. I'll joke with them. But when it comes to basketball, I try to be serious… — Chamique Holdsclaw Copy Share Image
The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I'm not aware of any… — Dick Cavett Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house & everyone in it, & I learned we… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In college I took an acting class as a joke. It sounded like something fun and easy at the time. I had… — Michael Graziadei Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I like to tell old jokes on stage after about an hour, or an hour and a half. I'll bring those old… — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
I have "come back" [to music scene] so many times, people are just like, Is this another one?... It's kind of like… — Britney Spears Copy Share Image
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably… — Iliza Shlesinger Copy Share Image
I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I have been trying for a long time to understand God. Now I have made friends with him. To love him truly… — Isak Dinesen Copy Share Image
![“I have "come back" [to music scene] so many times, people are just like, Is this another one?... It's kind of like a joke to me now.” quote by Britney Spears](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/019/britney-spears-1356_joke_i-have-come-back-to-music-scene-so-many_160910.jpg)
