I hate when they use fake dinosaurs in movies.. I can always tell... — Carlin Whisler Dinosaurs Copy Share Image
Why did Princes Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
That's more messed up than that time I made out with that hobo.. — Carlin Whisler Funny quote Copy Share Image
I wanna go to seaworld With a fishing pole just to see what peoples reactions would be — Carlin Whisler Fish Copy Share Image
I've heard more coherent things out of a schizophrenic with threats — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
Did you put your makeup on with a paint brush? or does your face always look like it was gang banged by… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
My doctor was checking my balls for lumps the other day, I think it got awkward when I ran my fingers through… — Carlin Whisler Doctor Copy Share Image
If the beauty behind your eyes were the sun the world would have a lot more to look forward to — Carlin Whisler Beauty Copy Share Image
As you will find in multivariabe calculus, there's aften a number of solutions for any given problem. — Carlin Whisler Calculus Copy Share Image
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave??? The microwave doesn't brown your sausage — Carlin Whisler Food Copy Share Image
A man walks up to a woman in the bar and says, you're gonna get laid tonight. quite surprised, she replies are… — Carlin Whisler Funny quote Copy Share Image
Mathematics is always going to lead you to a higher truth. never memorize yourself with the weaker assumptions of lesser morals — Carlin Whisler Life Copy Share Image
It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt… — Carlin Whisler Fool Copy Share Image
I think the best way I could ever have had it put... is if somebody breaks your heart.. punch them in the… — Carlin Whisler Being hurt by someone you love Copy Share Image
I wish I was a camera so I could take your picture with my mind. Put it in a frame for you… — Carlin Whisler Beauty Copy Share Image
I have a problem when it comes to old people, trying to kick my ass.. for doing that thing where I'm on… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
Personally I think the reason y Jesus heals cripples is because heaven isn't wheelchair accessible. That shit was built way before wheelchairs.… — Carlin Whisler Best friend Copy Share Image
My goal this year is to buy a prius so I can be the anti prius driver. Be like, yeaaaah, that's my… — Carlin Whisler Funny quote Copy Share Image
I have spent my entire life Like it was my rear view mirror my car. And every once in awhile, I always… — Carlin Whisler Entire life Copy Share Image
Never underestimate the power of your actions.With one small gesture you can change a person's life.For better or for worse.God puts us… — Carlin Whisler Appreciate life Copy Share Image
Over the years I've come to understand a few things.. Happiness and strength endure only in the absence of hate. To hate… — Carlin Whisler Happiness Copy Share Image
This hole thing with the hurricane flooding New York City and taking out 90% of Jersey Shore.. yeah it's sad.. kinda.. but… — Carlin Whisler Bright side Copy Share Image
So many people take for granted the gifts they have in life...and go throughout life with such a narrow & short sighted… — Carlin Whisler Acceptance Copy Share Image
God always has something for you, a key for every problem, They're still a light for every shadow, a relief for every… — Carlin Whisler Appreciate life Copy Share Image
LI understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
You just think you got game because You slept with your high school teacher.. but I won't bother to bring up the… — Carlin Whisler Funny quote Copy Share Image
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
I could eat a whole bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a more coherent statement than that. — Carlin Whisler Alphabet soup Copy Share Image
