I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I find it deeply upsetting when I see justice not being served. How do we as human beings deal with the unknown?… — Atom Egoyan Copy Share Image
So many guys are so conservative with their hair, and I always joke with all my buddies when they mess with me,… — Tom Brady Copy Share Image
Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else.… — John Lloyd Copy Share Image
I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it,… — Adam DeVine Copy Share Image
In Europe, they travel a lot lighter. I always joke that my Indonesian passengers bring their house and their neighbors house. — Tony Fernandes Copy Share Image
The best of my songs are more than just a joke. There's something else going on - a character, or it's not… — Randy Newman Copy Share Image
I love jokes, but God, jokes can go so wrong. I have stayed up many nights thinking, "F**k. I can't believe I… — Drew Barrymore Copy Share Image
I think people need to laugh everyday. Whether the economy is good or bad, I think the most important thing is to… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Every day I do one or two podcasts that 92 percent of people never will hear. I'm constantly producing, constantly making jokes… — Kurt Braunohler Copy Share Image
In the most basic terms it was about how when we experience art without critical awareness we consent to the ideas being… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
I think the essence of humor has not changed. It's all about surprise, facilitating follows. But the context of humor has changed.… — Bette Midler Copy Share Image
A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, big or small, young or old. He doesn't care if you're not smart,… — Louis Sabin Copy Share Image
Math-thinking, I would say, encourages flipping and substituting letters in words (in the novel, one of the boys double-majors in math and… — Mary Kay Zuravleff Copy Share Image
I think it's worth trying to be a mother who delights in who her children are, in their knock-knock jokes and earnest… — Ayelet Waldman Copy Share Image
I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain to be alive for decades and not believe in… — Douglas Coupland Copy Share Image
Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Russell Crowe likes to tell jokes, which I can't. I can't remember a joke to save my life. I don't have a… — Rachel McAdams Copy Share Image
I was raised in a family where no one had a serious bone in their body and every answer was a riddle,… — James Brolin Copy Share Image
Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to pay him if he ever has to… — Andy Waits Copy Share Image
So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored and kept pestering my Dad to go… — Robert Paul Copy Share Image
Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
So this is it. You are scored on my heart, Clark. You were from the first day you walked in, with your… — Jojo Moyes Copy Share Image
It would drive the photographers crazy because I would giggle and tell jokes. I was gregarious, and looking back, I realize I… — Tracee Ellis Ross Copy Share Image
I think there are brilliant jokes to be made about abortion, and we should be able to talk about this in the… — Caitlin Moran Copy Share Image
Some comics have long routines to get them in the mood - I just prefer to sit down, write out the same… — Jack Whitehall Copy Share Image
No reason to get excited,' the thief, he kindly spoke, There are many here among us who feel that life is but… — Bob Dylan Copy Share Image
In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what's the key to telling a good joke/creating great art… — Travis Nichols Copy Share Image
The Danes don't take themselves seriously at all and look for the joke in everything. Us Scots are on the same line… — Jamie Sives Copy Share Image
My father, the practical joker, did not care for practical jokes on himself; he did not encourage the practice in me. — Lincoln Steffens Copy Share Image
I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one… — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do not make fun of children or… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
I just need a day off, from reality, just a day without people, problems, and all the bullshit that runs through my… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be a helluva joke if all this were really burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nuthin'? — Dick Gregory Copy Share Image
I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it… — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
