It hurts when someone with whom you wanna talk ignores you,but it hurts worst when you ignore that person because they are… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
In real life, I'm the type of girl who doesn't take herself too seriously. I'm very serious when it comes to work,… — Gal Gadot Copy Share Image
What did the Ocean say to the other Ocean?...Nothing they just Waved...Did you Sea what I did there?...I'm Shore you did! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
Writers are encouraged to "keep 'em laughing" and complain "with good humor" in order to "win" allies. The joke is always on… — Alice Childress Copy Share Image
Have you ever lived in the suburbs? It's sterile. It's nothing. It's wasting your life, and people do not wish to waste… — Ed Koch Copy Share Image
I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Comedy mocks the vanity of visions of rational control. The person who can joke amidst a confrontation with evil, like the quick-witted… — Peter Leithart Copy Share Image
You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
On 'Lab Rats,' I read the script probably three or four times before we ever even do a table read because I… — Billy Unger Copy Share Image
And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I myself am convinced that the theory of evolution, especially to the extent to which it has been applied, will be one… — Malcolm Muggeridge Copy Share Image
It stands to reason that we love chocolate cake because it is sweet. Guys go for girls like this because they are… — Daniel Dennett Copy Share Image
I'm a Republican, but if I had my choice of running or having Obama - or somebody, but Obama, even Barack Obama… — Donald Trump Copy Share Image
I rely on some words that actually my husband said to me. He jokes about saying, "You know it's only darkest before… — Cindy McCain Copy Share Image
I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a… — Arthur Machen Copy Share Image
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
A world like that, which exists only because the gods enjoy a joke, must be a place where magic can survive. And… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them… — Sergio Aragones Copy Share Image
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The casting directors that were aware of The Real World looked at me as a joke. It was so hard to get… — Jamie Chung Copy Share Image
I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Roses are red violets are blue, What made you think I wasnt playing the game too, I said I love you, You… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you.… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
It's like one of those scenes from a feel-good Hollywood movie. Where everybody is happy and nobody's hair fizzes in the wind.… — Randa Abdel-Fattah Copy Share Image
I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
The car emitted on last gasp and rolled to a stop, in the middle of the Altlantic Ocean. "We're here," Leven tried… — Obert Skye Copy Share Image
“Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When I first started on Twitter, a relative asked, 'Aren't you concerned with giving away your jokes?' I don't think of it… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
All producers encourage you, whatever it is, to make it more-so. If you've got a joke, can it be funnier? If you've… — Walter Hill Copy Share Image
You know when I told you the joke about how a friend will help you move, but a real friend will help… — Brad Thor Copy Share Image
With comedy, the jokes will come out, and people will see them coming. Changes in daily life or current events can change… — Robert Lopez Copy Share Image
There is a kind of laughter people laugh at public events, as if a joke were a charity auction and they want… — William McIlvanney Copy Share Image
To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone's sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and… — Manti Te'o Copy Share Image
I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
