I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
And I liked pluralist Australia. I got a taste for pluralist Australia. I like, I like Australians and I can't believe that… — Thomas Keneally Copy Share Image
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing, and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Of course my jokes are in poor taste, inappropriate, and confused; they reveal my lack of security. But that is because I… — Fyodor Dostoevsky Copy Share Image
“Here is a good joke. The little boy walks into an ice cream store, He asks for a sundae with extra hot… — Susan Magsamen Copy Share Image
One of the great things about kids is, they haven't heard a lot of the old jokes. You can get away with… — Fred Willard Copy Share Image
I am very optimistic about the long run prospects for democracy in China. Chinese society is being dramatically and rapidly transformed. And… — Larry Diamond Copy Share Image
I like the idea of building the suspense and taking it all the way up to the very last second with the… — Corey Feldman Copy Share Image
When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
In high school, my friend and I discovered that your cable-access station had to let you do whatever you wanted - it… — Michael Schur Copy Share Image
I'll be honest with you, one of the things that frustrated me the most out the record leak thing, it had nothing… — Bradford Cox Copy Share Image
Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Sometimes you go up to people who look totally normal and then you talk to them for a few seconds and you… — Billy Eichner Copy Share Image
If you have only a little capital and are young today, there are fewer opportunities than when I was young. Back then,… — Charlie Munger Copy Share Image
Listening a cultivated person of today that jokes and almost boasts about his scientific ignorance, is as sad as listening a scientist… — Carlo Rovelli Copy Share Image
Improv requires your audience to be informed about what improv is. With stand-up, anybody can sit down and watch stand-up and laugh… — Kurt Braunohler Copy Share Image
A despot doesn't fear eloquent writers preaching freedom- he fears a drunken poet who may crack a joke that will take hold. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When my family all got together, I'd always get up and entertain everyone, but it was all a bit of a joke.… — Duffy Copy Share Image
What do we care, if the world is a joke? We'll give it a big kiss, we'll give it a poke. Death… — Elvis Costello Copy Share Image
The cheesecake was smooth and lush, with the personality of a warm and well-to-do uncle who knows a hundred dirty jokes and… — Don DeLillo Copy Share Image
There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that's just a written joke, versus the comedy… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
I take care of myself, which includes dieting, exercising and minimising stress. I joke that I've been on a diet since 1974,… — Kim Cattrall Copy Share Image
It was a bit of fun. But of course like anything that starts as a joke, people started to take it all… — Steven Wilson Copy Share Image
It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
Instead of being a well-known painter, I became everybody's favorite dirty joke. Come to think of it, teaching masturbation skills is pretty… — Betty Dodson Copy Share Image
Here's what I tell people now when they come to my shows: 'First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I think most of the actors that I know that I think are good are kind of funny people. There's just something… — Clark Gregg Copy Share Image
Some comics don't like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but… — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
People are mad a Donald Trump for allegedly making a joke about Megyn Kelly having her period. Trump said, 'Trust me, I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about… — Iliza Shlesinger Copy Share Image
I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in… — Samantha Bee Copy Share Image
People are attracted to entertainment, for sure, or jokes, excitement and romantically heightened stories that might be false, but are still attractive… — Bennett Miller Copy Share Image
I love jokes as much as anyone, but I don't want to hear my snail jokes every day. But I might want… — Neil Peart Copy Share Image
When I do comedy, my brain sort of locks up in the infinite possibilities. That's where I get sort of lost. I… — Ryan Reynolds Copy Share Image
Everybody jokes about that old story about the world only needing five computers, but when you think about it, that's where we're… — Matt Mullenweg Copy Share Image
I made jokes about kissing Murphy Brown. But if that's what cost me my job, my wife will probably say, "Hey asshole,… — Bebe Neuwirth Copy Share Image
The truth is always an insult or a joke, lies are generally tastier. We love them. The nature of lies is to… — Katherine Dunn Copy Share Image
“Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
