The joke in aviation is, 'If you want to make a million, you'd better start with £10m.' — Bruce Dickinson Copy Share Image
Because, as we are told—a sad old joke, too— Ghosts, like the ladies, never speak till spoke to. — Bill Vaughan Copy Share Image
There is no 'magic water' that you can rub on a script to make the jokes funnier. — Graham Linehan Copy Share Image
I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. — John Oliver Copy Share Image
A woman never knows what she really wants until she finds out what her husband cannot afford. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've never had a proper job. I do jokes about not knowing the value of money, about having a famous dad. — Tom Rosenthal Copy Share Image
'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
As the joke goes, you don’t have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away. — Kim Harrison Copy Share Image
I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me… — Bob Woodward Copy Share Image
Joke I read somewhere: They say that God is the innermost dweller of all. Well I hope He likes enchiladas - cause… — Meher Baba Copy Share Image
Making jokes is about the most wrong and stupid thing a bemused, middle-aged, white heterosexual Anglo Saxon sort of Celt Australian male… — Michael Leunig Copy Share Image
We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all… — Daniel Dennett Copy Share Image
The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
On stage you look much larger than you are. You can have subtle changes of timing; how you place a punchline in… — Sylvester McCoy Copy Share Image
I remember talking to, 40 years ago, one of the leading people in the government who was involved in arms control, pressing… — Noam Chomsky Copy Share Image
You are doing something over here and over there someone is telling you a joke, or giving you an important piece of… — Michael Ondaatje Copy Share Image
Did I have a heart to be contented? Well, no, not particularly. I had a tendency to be discontented: ambitious, dissatisfied, fretful,… — Gretchen Rubin Copy Share Image
I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a… — Khaled Hosseini Copy Share Image
And there's so much extra material. I mean, I've certainly read as you asked about do I read reviews and stuff, like… — Nicholas Stoller Copy Share Image
I distrust Great Men... I believe in aristocracy, though... Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all… — E. M. Forster Copy Share Image
George Lowe was the one who opened the mail, and George started laughing uproariously and I looked up at him in astonishment… — Edmund Hillary Copy Share Image
There's no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you've heard before. — Ashleigh Brilliant Copy Share Image
If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father. — Mary Todd Lincoln Copy Share Image
I got expelled from school on pajama day…But its not my fault I sleep naked. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh. — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
Just because you say Swag in every other sentence doesn't mean you have it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The world is a very serious and, at times, very sad place - but at other times it is all such a… — George Harrison Copy Share Image
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Obama supporters are like christmas lights. They all hang out together, half of em don't work, and the ones that do work… — Mario Tomasello Copy Share Image
... the majority of us scarcely see more distinctly the faultiness of our own conduct than the faultiness of our own arguments,… — George Eliot Copy Share Image
Art once made a cult of beauty. Now we have a cult of ugliness instead. This has made art into an elaborate… — Roger Scruton Copy Share Image
I'm a goof. I talk too much. I tell stories. I tell cheesy Dad jokes. I'm theatrical and I'll mix things up… — William Beckett Copy Share Image
“The preacher released a pent-up breath as he sagged in relief. “Thank God he's gone.” His eyes narrowed at Alexander as he… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
I've come to feel very strongly, not as a joke, that if you appoint a committee of more than four people, their… — Charlton Heston Copy Share Image
![“... the majority of us scarcely see more distinctly the faultiness of our own conduct than the faultiness of our own arguments, orthe dulness [sic] of our own jokes.” quote by George Eliot](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/9c1/george-eliot-84_argument_the-majority-of-us-scarcely-see-more-dis_1093098.png)
